Memento Mori Kobo Read online

  “Yes, Nicky is my cousin. He go into intelligence when he graduate. I go into mob.” Alexei held a hand up. “I am no longer mafia man. I am family man. I kill man who kill my brother and now I tends to the bar and to my wife, Holly. She require much tending. I leave bad life but Nicky ask that I help watch over the boys who got lost.”

  “I didn’t get lost. Someone fucked with my brain,” Jax replied, bitterness creeping into his soul. Why had they been forced to stay in all day if everyone knew who they were and what had happened to them? He wanted one person who didn’t look at him with nauseating sympathy. One person who saw him as a man and not some victim who needed to be protected. Or a bomb waiting to go off. “So the whole bar knows? I suppose that’s why we’re allowed to be here.”

  Alexei’s dark head shook. “No. Only a few people be knowing. Nicky ask to bring me in because of trust between us. Mayor knows and deputy and sheriff. I was asked to not tell partner, but you will likely meet him anyway. He is doctor. Many people shot here in Bliss. Caleb is good man. He will fix you up when bullets hit. Would you like beer, too?”

  At least it wasn’t everyone. Jax nodded. “Yeah. A lager.”

  They’d spent most of their time since their release figuring out things like what beer they liked and what they wanted on a pizza and that Firefly should never have been canceled. That was the sum total of his knowledge of the world.

  Of course, Tucker had learned something he wished he hadn’t.

  Alexei turned and moved to pour their beers. The music changed to a slightly louder, rocking country song about someone’s tractor. It made it easier for them to talk. He had to get Tucker in a better mood or he’d spend all night morose and worried. Tucker’s angst wasn’t going to ruin his night.

  Jax leaned in. “You’re not some kind of evil supervillain.”

  Tucker stared mulishly forward. “That’s not the rumor I’ve heard.”

  Five months before, Tucker had been taken on an op with Brody Carter. It had ended in a firefight between McKay-Taggart, the Ukrainian mob, and a bunch of Dutch mercenaries, but before the bullets had gone flying one of the men on the mercenary side had recognized Tucker. The mercenary had called Tucker Dr. Razor because “he cut so deep.” Tucker had been morose every since, guilt eating him up inside. “He was probably lying. He would have said anything to get Taggart to not murder him. Have you thought about that?”

  “I’ve gone through every possible scenario. I can’t not think about it.” Tucker shook his head. “That mercenary knew me. No other explanation makes sense. I know everything about the human body. Did you know what a cervix is? How many single men know what that is?”

  “I read about it,” Jax admitted. “Penny said something to Ariel about her baby nearly ruining her cervix and I looked it up. Don’t do that on the Internet. Some weird shit comes up. Maybe that’s why you know.”

  Tucker leaned in, his voice going low. “And how would I know the heart has four chambers, the right and left atriums and ventricles? The right atrium pulls in oxygen-poor blood and sends it to the right ventricle. The right ventricle sends that blood to the lungs. The left atrium takes the now oxygen-rich blood and pumps it into the left ventricle, that sends it back out to the body. Who besides a doctor knows that shit?”

  “People who watch a lot of medical shows, maybe.” He wasn’t sure how to deal with this. They should have sent Robert with Tucker. Robert was good with all the touchy-feely crap. “Or maybe you’ve got an evil twin out there somewhere. Maybe he’s Dr. Razor and he hated your ass because you were all sunny and shit and that’s how you ended up in Mother…McDonald’s lab. Have you thought of that?”

  Tucker turned, his face freezing in that constipated look he got when he was thinking hard. “An evil twin. You know that would explain everything. He would hate me because I got all the girls and I was probably smarter than he was. Mom definitely liked me more. We both got medical degrees, but I probably had a way better residency than he did.”

  Excellent. Maybe he could get the night back on track. Not that it appeared there were a ton of good prospects in here, and by good prospects he meant a woman desperate enough to want to possibly sleep with him. All he had to do was convince Tucker that it was a good thing there was an evil copy of him out there somewhere who had betrayed him and given him up for torturous medical experiments and probably wouldn’t show up sometime to do it all over again. “See, there are multiple explanations for what that asshole said.”

  Tucker seemed to calm, his normally sunny air coming back to him. “Yeah. Or that asshole could have been making it up. Or McDonald might have kidnapped me because she thought it would be cool to have another doctor on the team, but she couldn’t break me and that’s why she erased my memory.”

  Or he’d been another human being in another life, one who’d done terrible things and for whom this new start was a blessing.

  Jax often wondered what things he’d done in his past, wondered if he’d be walking down the street one day and someone would attempt to make him pay for a crime he couldn’t remember committing. Or one of the ones he did.

  Alexei placed two beers in front of them. “Here you be going. Beer is good for making the bad things seem not so bad. And relax. I am here to watch out for you.”

  “Are you here to make sure I don’t do stupid shit?” Because he really wanted to do stupid shit.

  Alexei shrugged. “I am here to make sure you are safe and that no one runs off with you who would like to slice you into small pieces and study those pieces. This is bad way to go. And very messy. I am to keep from making mess.”

  “But are you to keep us from getting laid?” Jax was willing to speak the guy’s language.

  Tucker sat up straighter. “Wait, now I was told the only thing I wasn’t supposed to do was stupid things. Getting laid isn’t stupid, and Candyee told me I was getting good at it.”

  Candyee, with the double e’s. It summed up her name and her bra size. “That’s his favorite hooker. Big Tag gave him a hooker allowance after he saved a bunch of people.”

  Because this version of Tucker was good. This version of Tucker sacrificed for the people around him. Shouldn’t that be the only thing that mattered now?

  Alexei nodded. “This is good to be knowing, but you should also know there are only nice ladies here. None of them will accept the monies. Give them orgasms and they will be happy. But first you must be seeing doctor.”

  “We passed all the tests.” He wasn’t waiting. “And Dante’s syphilis cleared right up. I wish there was an antibiotic for his perpetual bad mood.”

  The door opened and Jax heard the sound of a woman laughing. He turned on his chair, taking in the newcomers.

  The laughing woman was tall and blonde, her hair back in a ponytail, but it would likely brush the tops of her impressive breasts. She was tall and gorgeous, and he liked the sound of her laugh and that generous smile on her face.

  So why did his eyes move to her shorter friend, the one who smiled, but it didn’t come close to reaching her eyes? She wasn’t as glamorous as the blonde. Her dark hair was cut in a sensible bob and she wore a plain T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. She hadn’t dressed for a man. She’d dressed to be comfortable. Her eyes came up and he felt like someone had kicked him straight in the gut.

  Clear green eyes. Eyes like the forest he’d stared at all day.

  “Who is she?” He heard himself ask the question, but he didn’t take his eyes off the woman with dark brown hair and a whole world in her eyes.

  “Her name is Heather Turner. She guides the wilderness so bear do not be eating her clients,” Alexei said.

  “What?” Tucker shook his head.

  “She’s a nature guide.” He was starting to understand the Russian. Maybe it was all the time he’d spent with Nick.

  “She works with River. River has been guiding the nature for many years. Heather comes to Bliss a few months ago, but they seem to be friends. Heather is fun girl. You will like. Hello,
Heather.” Alexei waved and the blonde waved back.

  “Not that one. The other one,” Jax corrected, his eyes still on her. She seemed to have noticed his stare and like a pretty rabbit who figured out a wolf had caught her scent, she’d stopped and stared back. Those eyes looked at him, widening in something akin to recognition.

  “Her name is River,” Alexei offered. “I don’t know you should try to play with her. She has…what is phrase? Been through many sufferings.”

  He hopped off his stool as she turned from him and followed the blonde. “I’m merely going to introduce myself.”

  Tucker was right behind him. “Wait. Are you telling me I get the blonde? Because that works for me. She’s fucking gorgeous.”

  “You can have her. Give her your best shot, buddy.” He watched as his prey practically ran away. She moved toward the booths at the back of the bar, passing him without a single look.

  Until she got to the booth her friend selected, then she turned and their eyes met again and she sent him the slightest smile.

  That smile sealed her fate because there was no way he would let her out of his trap. He would have her. He would be good to her. He would do everything he could to bring her pleasure, but she would be his tonight.

  It was time to do something stupid.

  * * * *

  Heather leaned out of the booth, looking back toward the bar. “Yep, he’s still looking this way.”

  River took a deep breath because she’d just seen the most stunning man. Tall, muscular, with sandy blond hair and green eyes and a jawline so straight she could probably cut herself on it. And scruff. He had gorgeous scruff that would feel perfect on her skin, tickly and arousing. That man had to be the star of whatever film the crew was shooting. She didn’t recognize him from a movie or TV show, but there was no way he wasn’t an actor or a model. The camera would love him.

  Which was an excellent reason to stay away. She could think of another couple of reasons including the fact that she had terrible taste in men. She was in the middle of a legal fight with her asshole ex and didn’t need another man who would use her. She’d just lost her father and she wasn’t in a good emotional place. She needed to concentrate on her business.

  Lots of reasons to not even think about the sexy man.

  But the most serious reason was that he hadn’t been looking at her. He’d obviously been staring at Heather. Lots of men did. Heather stopped traffic. It had been wishful thinking that made her believe for a second she’d been the target of that completely lustful stare.

  His stare had gone straight to her pussy. She’d stood in the doorway for a moment and she’d felt stalked. But in a good way, in a way that led to something she hadn’t felt in forever—pleasure.

  “Are you going to go talk to him?” She asked Heather. It might be for the best. After her long discussion with the sheriff, she was ready to go home and stare for a while. She wouldn’t even turn on the TV, just stare at it and maybe down a bottle of cheap wine and pass out on her couch. That seemed like a proper way to end another terrible day.

  But Heather had shown up a few minutes after she’d started her confession and she’d held River’s hand while she’d told the sheriff and the lawyer about how she’d gotten herself into trouble and then more trouble by ignoring the first round of trouble. Heather had been there the whole time and it had taken hours and hours. When she’d asked if they could head over to Trio for dinner and drinks, River hadn’t had the heart to tell her no.

  If Hottie McHotterson showed up at their table and wanted to spend some time with her gloriously beautiful friend, she could ease her way out and head home.

  Or she would have to play Heather’s wingman. She was fairly certain she’d seen a second man beside the first, though it was hard to see anyone but him. Would she end up getting stuck with fending off Hottie’s friend’s advances?

  “I’ll certainly talk to him if he talks to me. It’s rude if you don’t,” Heather allowed, settling back in. “He’s talking to his friend. They look super serious. You don’t think they’re fighting over who gets who?”

  Yep, that’s what she thought. They were arguing over who got to hit on Heather. Whoever lost that small but meaningful battle would be left with her, and it would almost certainly be the other guy because Hottie was definitely the alpha male.

  “I don’t think I want company tonight.” Was she being selfish? What if Heather wanted company?

  Heather sat back. “Then I’ll tell them to go away, but are you sure? That man is hot. He looks like he could do some damage, and in a good way. When was the last time you got well and truly laid?”

  She felt her cheeks heat. “A long time, and I spent the afternoon dealing with the repercussions of that truly bad decision. I couldn’t handle Matt. I seriously doubt either of those two are attracted to me. The last thing I need is another man who sleeps with me when he’s not really interested in my body.”

  Not that her body was all that bad. It fully functioned. It walked. It ran when it had to. It kept her perfectly upright most of the time.

  But it seemed like forever since it tensed and then released because the pleasure was so much she couldn’t handle another second. Forever since she’d felt hands on her, moving and exploring, touching and letting her know even for the briefest of moments that she wasn’t alone. The longest time since she’d lain back as her body pulsed in afterglow.

  When she sold her cabin, she was buying a big bad vibrator. She would name it and have a long, happy relationship with that sucker.

  “I think you’re being pessimistic. Oh, I know you have reasons for it, but if you sit too long in the muck, the muck starts to seem normal.” Heather leaned over, putting a hand on hers. “I know where you are. A couple of years ago, I was in this great relationship. I was madly in love. We got married and everything looked perfect. But something went wrong on a job.”

  “He was a guide, too?” She had to admit, she was intensely interested in Heather’s past. Sometimes the gorgeous blonde would stand and stare at the mountains and she would seem so far away. Like she was lost in memory and didn’t want to come back.

  She nodded. “Yeah. He and his brother. I made a bad call on a rafting expedition. You ever run the Lochsa?”

  The Lochsa was a river in Idaho. It was known for its explosive rapids. The river had rapids that ran into other rapids, making for an unending wild ride. It was only for the most experienced of paddlers. It was far from the gentle section of the Rio Grande she used for family expeditions. “Yeah, I know it.”

  “It had been raining heavily. He didn’t want us to go on the river that day, but the sun came out and I decided it was worth the risk. His brother died. He’s never forgiven me.” Heather frowned. “I probably should have told you that.”

  The incident hadn’t been in her records. River had to wonder how long ago it had been because the references Heather had produced had all been outstanding. “I can see why you wouldn’t. I suspect you aren’t as reckless now.”

  She laughed, though it was a rueful sound. “Not in my work but in other ways, I suspect I still am. I told you about the massive mistake I made after my divorce, right?”

  They’d bonded over their terrible taste in men. “Yes. But can I point out that he didn’t steal every dime you had?”

  “Nope, but he’s in the business, too, and he made my ex’s life miserable. Still does. My point is I know how hard it is to crawl your way out of depression and anger. It’s like rapids. You get caught in one and it takes you off course. For a while you don’t notice if you aren’t careful and then you have to fight your way back or find yourself in a worse position. You’re there, River. Are you going to drift off or fight your way back?”

  Heather’s words sent a shaft of pain through her. Why was everything a fight? It was a child’s question. Every moment was a fight. Life was made up of survival and work broken up by moments of peace. But how could she enjoy the peace if she didn’t have the fight?
/>   “Ladies, I be bringing gift to you.” Alexei Markov stood with a plate in his hand. The big bartender was gorgeous, but then Bliss tended to attract incredibly lovely men. They also tended to be taken, as this one was.

  Heather glanced up. “A gift?”

  “The mens at bar asked me to send this to you.” Alexei placed a massive mound of cheese fries in front of them. “I tell them most mens send women drinks, but they use word consent very much.”

  River laughed, really laughed for the first time in forever. It was good to know Me Too had hit southern Colorado. They’d sent cheese fries as their lure to catch a date for the evening.

  Heather’s eyes were practically glowing in the dim light. “There’s no way we can eat all of this.”

  “I think they were counting on it,” she replied. She wasn’t ready for this. But when would she be? If she never got back out there, Matt won. When she thought about it, not dating was akin to letting the terrorists win.

  Not that it would be a date. It would be a lot of watching the hottest man she’d ever met hit on her friend. She hoped Hottie’s friend was fun to talk to.

  “Alexei, could you invite them over?” She was going to be brave, if only for her friend’s sake.

  The big Russian walked off and it wasn’t more than a minute before they were standing at the booth.

  He took her breath away. She glanced down at his feet. Boots, but they weren’t the flashy kind worn to show off how much cash a man had. These were well worn, subtle. They were working shoes, like the jeans he wore. Nothing ripped or torn and yet she could tell he’d worn them down to soft denim.

  “Hello. I’m Jax.” His voice was deep but there was a musical quality to it. She would bet he could sing. “This is my brother, Tucker.”

  Brothers. They oddly didn’t look a lot alike, but she’d seen siblings who she would never have guessed came from the same parents. Tucker wasn’t bad himself. Dark, wavy hair any woman would love to have. It was slightly overgrown but did nothing but enhance his male-model beauty. He seemed far softer than his incredibly masculine friend.