On Her Master's Secret Service, Masters and Mercenaries, Book 4 Read online

  Twenty minutes later, Eve looked at Avery and wondered if she’d ever been that young and in love. Though Avery was only ten years younger, that was just a number. Avery’s innocence couldn’t be measured by years. It went deep into her soul. Avery had lost everything at a young age and still her eyes were bright as she turned to her husband.

  She often wondered how Avery would have handled being in Eve’s position. Avery wouldn’t have broken the way Eve had. Avery likely would have walked away with a bruised body, but with her heart still capable of love. Avery, it seemed to Eve, was indestructible.

  Eve was deeply aware of how fragile her own soul was.

  “I want pancakes.” Avery set down the menu she’d been studying.

  “You always want pancakes, girl. Ya never try anything else. Why do you waste your time looking at the menu?” Liam’s voice was gruff, but his eyes were lit with laughter. He loved his wife. The connection between them was a palpable thing. Li winked Eve’s way as he set down his own menu. “What about you, love? Are you trying something different?”

  She never tried anything different. “No. I’ll stick with what I know.”

  Half a grapefruit, two scrambled egg whites, whole-wheat toast, no butter. No indulgences for Eve St. James. Discipline. It was what her life had become. And now she could fit into those designer dresses that had been out of reach all those years ago because Alex liked to stuff her with chocolate and rich foods. He used to order in from the most decadent of restaurants and feed her while she sat in his lap and they cuddled.

  “Order for me, will you?” Liam was pulling out his phone, checking the screen. “I have to take this. And for god’s sake, woman, order your own bacon this time. You always say you won’t eat it and then you steal mine.”

  He brushed his lips across his wife’s as he scooted from the booth.

  The waitress chose that moment to take the orders and refresh their coffee. When she was gone, Eve forced a smile on her face. Coffee. Her only real indulgence, well, besides all the BDSM and the soulless sex.

  “How are you feeling?”

  Avery smiled. “Good. This is actually a far easier pregnancy than my Maddie.”

  Eve froze. Madison. Avery’s child. The one who died.

  Avery’s hand came out, covering Eve’s. “It’s all right.”

  That summed up Avery to a T. Avery had lost a child and she reached out to comfort Eve. Eve pulled back, reaching for her coffee mug. “I’m sorry. I’m always a little shocked that you can speak about her so easily.”

  Loss was something to be hidden. God, she was glad she wasn’t her own patient.

  Avery just gave her a gentle smile. “I miss my baby every day, but it would be wrong to pretend she didn’t exist. Do you know what Liam gave me as a housewarming gift when we bought our place here?”

  She hadn’t been to their big house in North Dallas. She hated that part of town because it reminded her so much of the sleepy, upscale Virginia neighborhood she and Alex had moved into once they could afford it. Those houses were all lovely, with signs of life and children on every lawn. An overturned bike here, a massive fort there, a man washing his prized car in the driveway.

  Her apartment was sterile. Lovely, but sterile. Rather like herself.

  She shook her head. “No, but I suspect it wasn’t a houseplant.”

  Avery’s eyes teared up. “He had a painter do a portrait of Madison from her baby pictures. Of Maddie and Brandon. He put it up next to the pictures of us from our wedding. He said it was because they were a part of our family, and he never wanted this baby to forget that he or she had a big sister once. And I cry when I look at that picture. I do. I cry when I think how I lost Maddie and my first husband, but I would dishonor them if I tried to forget. They were a real part of who I was, of who I am today. So I’ll talk about her because she’s still here with me. I would hate it if she wasn’t. Sometimes pain can be sweet if we let it. It can remind us of all the good things. Just because something bad happened, it shouldn’t erase the sweetness that came before it. Maddie died. But that doesn’t mean I can’t remember how she smelled when I held her against me, how she’d cuddle her little head to my breast. Brandon died, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about how funny he was and how he asked me to marry him, but only after he’d thrown up because I told him I was pregnant.” Avery laughed, the sound bright and happy. “It was not the most romantic of proposals.”

  Eve couldn’t help it. Avery could be infectious. It was why she’d come to deeply enjoy these mornings with them. She’d always found it easy to be around Liam, but it was a joy to be around Avery. Avery made her wonder why she’d stopped hanging out with girlfriends. She used to love her girls’ nights out. Now she always came up with an excuse not to join Grace and Serena. “He really threw up?”

  Avery nodded. “Oh, yes. We were only eighteen, and we’d only had sex once and it hadn’t been that great. We’d kind of gone back to holding hands because he’d been so embarrassed about it. And then whoops goes the pregnancy test. He was a little surprised. How did Alex ask you?”

  Without even thinking about it, Eve snorted a little at the memory. It was the day he’d placed a delicate collar around her throat. He’d snicked the lock into place and then boldly told her that he wasn’t satisfied with just a collar. He wanted her to wear his ring, too. “He didn’t ask, the bastard. He told me I would marry him. Doms.”

  “Nice. So you two were in a D/s relationship before you got married?”

  “Oh, Alex was born a Dom. We met in college and Ian had already introduced him to the lifestyle.” God. What was she doing? She was gabbing like a schoolgirl, like a woman who was still married, telling her girlfriends how they met. Eve clammed up. She wasn’t a girl and she wasn’t like Avery. She cleared her throat. “But that’s a boring story. Did you find out if the baby’s a boy or a girl yet?”

  “We won’t know for another couple of weeks,” Avery said, her eyes focused on Eve as though she was trying to decide just how far to push. “But it doesn’t matter. We’ll be happy either way. I heard Serena’s having a boy.”

  Jake and Adam had done nothing but talk about their future son. Everyone was moving on with their lives. It was just she and Alex and Ian who were stuck, and Ian couldn’t help it. He hadn’t found the right woman.

  Eve knew she’d found the right man. Alex was still here. He was still in her bed some nights. She could reach for him, hold him tight.

  Lately she’d been wondering if they shouldn’t try again. Lately the memories had started to fade and she found herself reaching for Alex again. She’d started remembering things fondly. Their wedding day. She’d found photos in a box in her closet, and she’d stared at them for the longest time, thinking how handsome he’d been. He didn’t smile in the pictures. No, not Alex McKay. He smirked in the sweetest way, those upturned lips a testament to how satisfied he’d been with the day. In the picture she’d finally placed on one of the bookcases in her office, Ian and Sean had been standing beside Alex, all three of them so arrogant she had to laugh.

  And her momma and dad had been beaming out.

  It couldn’t hurt to pull that old picture out, she’d told herself. It was just a nice memory. But placing that picture where she could see it had her thinking.

  Hell, Avery and Liam had her thinking.

  What if they could start over?

  “How long did it take you after Brandon died to want to try again?” The question was out before she could really think it through, and she wished immediately that she could take it back. It was rude. It was intrusive. “I am so sorry. We’re not in a therapy session. That was uncalled for.”

  Avery reached out again. Eve got the feeling she would just keep right on trying even after Eve pushed her away, so she should just give in, let Avery hold her hand. “Hey, I know you’re a professional, but you should remember that sometimes friends are therapy, too. And it was a long time. I had a lot to work through. I had a lot of rage and anger
and bitterness.”

  Somehow she couldn’t see Avery being bitter for a second.

  Avery seemed to sense what she was thinking. “Hey, I’m human, too. I hated the world for a while, but one day I woke up and I realized I didn’t want to live my life that way. I had to make a choice. I could be angry about the past or I could try to find a future. It sounds simple.”

  Eve shook her head, surprised at how emotional she was getting. She never cried, but the tears were right there, threatening and somehow sweet. “No. It’s not simple at all.”

  It was a decision she had yet to make.

  “A divorce can be like a death,” Avery said gently.

  Eve took a long breath. “It wasn’t the divorce that hurt me. I mean, it did, but something else happened and I don’t think I’ve gotten over it.” That was a lie. She knew damn well she hadn’t gotten over it. “I’ve done all the therapy, but I’m just now starting to think that I want to move on with my life.”

  Her grieving process had been long and painful for them both, but she was finally at the point where she might be able to accept that Alex had changed. He’d been so distant after Michael Evans had nearly killed her. He’d said all the right things. He’d told her he loved her and that nothing had changed, but he’d left her alone when she needed him most. He’d gotten obsessed with revenge.

  “I need to make a choice. I need to try again or let Alex go.” Saying it out loud was a huge weight off her chest. God, she actually felt lighter.

  “Are you joking, Evie?” Liam asked. Damn. She hadn’t heard him return. He slid into the booth, placing his hand over Avery’s and hers, lending his support. “Because you can’t imagine how much better we would all feel if you were serious. I worry about you, girl.”

  It had been years since she’d led a real therapy session. Not since her college days. She’d left counseling for profiling, but she hadn’t forgotten one truth about therapy. Sometimes it took the right words to reach a person. A therapist could say the same thing a hundred different ways, but only one of them would reach inside the subject and plant a seed. It was why a therapist shouldn’t give up.

  She thought about her wedding day picture. What did she owe that girl in the picture? What did she owe the Eve she had been? What did she owe her parents, who still loved her?

  What did she owe the husband she’d loved from the moment she’d met him?

  “I want to try. Li, do you think you could help me with something? I want to surprise Alex at Sanctum tonight. I think I might want to renegotiate that contract of ours.”

  Liam smiled and promised to help as the waitress brought their food.

  Avery, who had promised she didn’t want bacon, stole her husband’s.

  And Eve thought about the future with a smile on her face for once.

  Chapter Two

  Alex looked around the space, trying to judge just how many ways he could get screwed here. The sun gleamed into the elegantly appointed mall. NorthPark Center was a testament to Texans’ love of all things shiny. It was exactly the type of place Eve used to adore when they couldn’t afford to buy a damn thing. They would browse through stores like Versace and Gucci, and she would complain about her weight. He would point out that they couldn’t afford the clothes anyway and then feed her a cupcake because she loved chocolate and he loved her every curve. She was thin now, and she dressed beautifully, but she never smiled. Naturally, now that he could afford just about anything, she wouldn’t accept a gift from him.

  Alex glanced around the large walkway that had been designated as his meet spot. He didn’t like it. There were too many ways in and out. He counted at least seven ways a person could come up on his back. Two of the stores in this section had both interior and exterior exits. Of course someone might notice an armed crazy walking through Williams-Sonoma or Tiffany. And hell, he had the ducks to protect him. He was standing by an interior duck pond, waiting on intel about the most dangerous man he knew.

  What the fuck was he doing? He should walk away. If he met with this contact, one of two things would happen. Either she would be working for Evans and he was screwed, or she was on the up and up and he would be drawn right back into the world that had cost him his marriage. He knew it all intellectually and yet he stood there, watching and waiting.

  A little girl was squatting down not five feet away from him, her big blue eyes studying the small ducks who called this indoor pool their home. Her mother was talking on a cell phone as she twirled her multitudinous shopping bags around and complained about her latest round of Botox. As far as Alex could tell, she shouldn’t complain. The Botox was totally working. Her expression never once changed even as she bitched about her nanny requiring a day off to attend a funeral. Welcome to the wealthy side of Dallas.

  He glanced to his right. Neiman Marcus was up ahead. To his left was a long line of shops and not a single sign of his contact. He was stuck here with Momma Frozen Forehead, a young woman in a suit and nametag eating her lunch, and two dudes in smart suits showing each other what they’d bought at Brooks Brothers.

  Fifteen minutes. He’d been waiting for fifteen minutes, and now all he could think about was the cake pop stand near the exit. Eve would love that. They used to joke about food on a stick. Everything was better when it was on a stick. Now she just ate yogurt and salads. Her eyes never lit up over a salad.

  Ian was right. His head wasn’t in a good place for this. Five more minutes and he would call it fate.

  He glanced up at the shop girl. Woman. She was probably thirty-five, but she had a sweet smile that made her seem younger. She kept talking to the little girl who was studying the ducks, her face shining as she did. Only the small creases around her eyes gave her away as older than thirty.

  Damn. He was actually thinking about how pretty she was. It had been a long time since he’d noticed another woman. Even as he realized how her strawberry blonde hair caught the light, it was an intellectual study. His cock wasn’t engaged at all. She was just a pretty girl with a brilliant smile.

  He only wanted one woman.

  And then Red looked up and winked at him.

  Fuck. What did he do about that? He got hit on at Sanctum a lot, but that was an easy thing to deal with. He just gave the subs a decisive shake of his head and they melted away. He had no idea how to deal with a woman who wasn’t a trained submissive. Did they follow orders? He rather thought not. The wives of his friends were all subs, and half the time they didn’t follow orders. Grace was known to laugh when given an order she didn’t want to follow, and Serena had a potty mouth. Avery just smiled and agreed and did whatever she damn well pleased.

  He wasn’t even wearing a ring to prove his off-the-market quality. He didn’t have a ring. Well, he had it, but he felt like a freak when he wore it now. Maybe he should still wear it.

  Would the contact run when she saw he was being hit on by a cute redhead?

  She waved his way.

  Damn it. He was trained to kill, to track, to run large investigative units, but he hadn’t flirted in almost twenty years. He didn’t even want to.

  She rolled her eyes and sighed and then pointed to her nametag.

  Kristen

  Yeah, he hadn’t really been trained to profile. She was his contact. This whole thing was more Ian’s speed. Alex had been a cop at his heart. He felt himself flush as he walked toward the pretty woman who was only interested in his connections.

  She moved her sandwich out of the way as he joined her on the bench.

  “Sorry about that.” Her voice was husky, and he noticed that she was solidly built. He would bet when she stood up that she would have an hourglass figure. There was nothing fragile about this Kristen. “I wanted to make sure we were alone first. You seemed to have been a very good boy.”

  “I told my boss we were meeting across town.” In the West End, to be precise. With its shops and numerous restaurants, it would take Jake a while before he realized he’d been had. Because there was no way Ian hadn�
��t sent someone along to shadow him. He knew his best friend. Besides, it was what he would have done in the same place. “We’re alone. So talk.”

  “Wow, you are all business, aren’t you? Come on. We’re here and it’s beautiful.” She turned her face up to the sun that was streaming through the skylights. “Shouldn’t we enjoy the day a bit? I was really having a nice time sitting here and reading. And this chicken salad sandwich rocks, let me tell you. Got it off a street vendor named Carlotita. She knows chicken salad. Oh, yeah.”

  Alex shook his head. He’d expected this meeting to be dark and ominous and she just kept grinning. “What do you want? Because you’re obviously not serious. Is someone playing a joke on me?”

  She frowned. “I am so sorry. This is completely serious for me, Alex. Trust me. I’ve been working on this particular case for a very long time. I can see the finish line now. I’m just…happy to be here. I always wanted to come to Dallas. I have some history here.” She pulled a small envelope out of the trade paperback she had been holding. It didn’t look like her reading habits were any more serious than her demeanor. Surrender to Me. Yeah, she was very literary. She caught him staring. “Hey, Mister. Don’t turn your nose up. This is one hot book. And I’ve been using Ms. Shayla for some research. Open the envelope. It’s got some important information about Michael Evans.”

  He opened the envelope and pulled the neatly folded papers free. He looked over the information she’d typed up. It was a list of locations and dates. And a photocopied passport that plainly showed Michael Evans. He was thinner and his hair was blonde instead of dark, but there was no way to mistake those eyes. “Is he still going by Andrew Johnson?”

  She shrugged a little. “I suspect he has several passports from a couple of different countries.”

  “How did you get this?” She might look like a sweet little ball of fluff, but she’d been close to Michael Evans if she’d gotten a copy of his passport.