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  “I didn’t…I didn’t think I would get one from you. Ever.”

  “Ever, Sir,” he corrected.

  Tears pooled in her eyes. “Are you trying to humiliate me?”

  He softened slightly. “I wouldn’t do that. I take the lifestyle seriously, and it would please me if you would call me Sir in intimate situations. I’m trying to keep you alive, Karina. And don’t you want to know? I know I do.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “I want to know just how good it’s going to feel to fuck you. I want to know if we can take all the energy between us and turn it into something that makes us both feel good for a change. I’m going to be honest with you, Karina. You are not my type. I can’t see anything working between us, but god I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s affecting my life.”

  She stared at him for a minute. Just when he thought she was going to tell him to go to hell, she sighed a little. “I think about you, too. I don’t want to. I don’t want a relationship with you.”

  He was a little surprised at how much that hurt. He didn’t want a relationship with her either. He meant what he’d said. She wasn’t even close to his type. But for some reason she called to him. “I’m going to offer you a deal, Karina. For the duration of this investigation I want to top you. I want to get you out of my system.”

  “You want to sleep with me?”

  “Yes, but I’m not going to require it. I do intend to do my damnedest to seduce you.”

  “And when the case is done?”

  “We try to be friends, maybe? We can at least be friendly. I don’t like the friction between us. We see each other too often to keep on the way we have.”

  Something infinitely sad passed across her face, and he was sure he’d lost her. In that moment, he would have done just about anything to take back the last couple of moments and start over.

  She nodded suddenly and crossed the space between them. “Yes, Sir. I think we can make that work.”

  Her hands went to the button on her jeans and Derek felt his cock jump. He stared as she began to push her pants down and wondered if anything would ever be the same again.

  * * * *

  What the hell was she doing? She couldn’t actually be thinking about shoving her jeans off her hips and offering her ass to Derek Brighton. Because that was insane.

  So why were her fingers working the fly of her jeans? Why was she dragging the zipper down and trying to remember what kind of underwear she’d put on this morning. Clean. Yeah, they were clean, but she doubted they were sexy. She tended to wear utilitarian clothes when she was working, a sort of armor that reminded her she had to be tough to do her job.

  “Do you need help?” His voice was deep, dark, like rich chocolate. God, just the sound of it made her body light up.

  What the hell would she do when he turned that voice on her during play? Likely anything he wanted.

  “Give me just a second.” She remembered her manners. “Please, Sir.”

  He nodded.

  Why was it so much easier at the club? She had zero problems walking around Sanctum basically naked. She’d long ago accepted that she was an exhibitionist. Being naked felt good. When she was home alone, she rarely wore clothes unless she was cold. God only knew how many spankings she’d taken in her life. She enjoyed it. Another kink she accepted about herself.

  Derek had seen her naked. He’d been at Sanctum plenty of times when she’d scened with one of her Dom friends. He’d seen the whole package, so why was she suddenly so self-conscious?

  “If it helps, I think you’re beautiful, Karina.”

  Kindness. It was the one thing that almost always disarmed her. She hadn’t had a whole lot of kindness from Derek Brighton, but then she hadn’t given him much of a chance. From the moment she’d laid eyes on him and felt that white-hot attraction she’d never felt before, she’d put up a wall between them.

  “I thought I wasn’t your type.” She’d hated hearing those words and yet she fully understood that they weren’t compatible.

  His mouth turned down, showing lines she hadn’t noticed before. Worry lines. She wanted to smooth them away. “I can still appreciate how beautiful you are. You know what I want from a submissive, right?”

  She’d certainly heard the rumors. “You want a twenty-four seven relationship.”

  “I do. I want a submissive who trusts me enough to take care of her. I want to be responsible for her. I want to take care of her financially, physically, and emotionally.”

  She couldn’t do that. She knew deep down she wouldn’t be happy in that kind of a relationship. She enjoyed D/s, craved it, but she couldn’t give him what he needed. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She’d had the love of her life. A person only got one of those. He’d died five years before and she’d been alone ever since, likely would remain alone for all but small patches of time. She wouldn’t marry again, but did that mean she couldn’t ever have the comfort of another body against hers? The D/s scenes she performed with her friends didn’t ease the ache of loneliness inside her.

  Was it really so wrong to take Derek up on his offer? Had she planned to spend the rest of her life without ever taking another lover?

  “Just for the case.” She heard herself saying the words and her heart fluttered.

  “Just for the case,” Derek agreed and patted his lap. “Trust me enough to take care of you as a Dom and as your partner.”

  She was either in or out. It was so obvious. If she walked out the door, they might be able to work together, but she would never know why he made her heart pound in her chest when he walked in a room. Why did it have to be this one man? Why couldn’t it have been her husband who had earned her love?

  Karina’s hands were shaking as she pushed the jeans over her hips and exposed her backside. Crisp chilly air hit her skin, but she still felt hot. Like her skin was too tight and she couldn’t make it stretch.

  She pushed the jeans and underwear down and turned with as much grace as she could muster. She’d been in the lifestyle for a very long time, so she could handle turning with her legs bound. She managed to place herself over his lap and stared down at the floor.

  Time seemed to stop. She stared at the clear plastic that protected the floor where Derek’s chair was placed. This was where he sat every day, and now he would have the memory of her laid out over his thighs. And she would have the memory of the way his cock pressed against her belly. He was so hard. Was that for her?

  His hand covered her cheek, a soft touch as though he was the one hesitating now.

  “Like I said, I think you’re quite beautiful, Karina. How long have you been in Dallas?”

  His fingertips were skimming her ass, drawing out the anticipation of what would happen. She wanted to squirm, to make him move faster. She kind of thought he wouldn’t take that well. She settled for honesty. He had questions? She would give him answers. “Almost four years, Sir.”

  She’d stayed in their Brooklyn apartment until she couldn’t handle the memories a second longer. She’d come to Dallas because she’d worked a job or two for Big Tag, and she didn’t have anywhere else to go. The heat of Texas hadn’t burned away her memories, but she’d been able to find her balance.

  “You lived in New York?”

  How little did he know about her? She figured after she’d called IA on his ass a year ago that he would do a search on her. “Yes. I was born in Queens, moved to Brooklyn. I decided I needed a change and Big Tag offered me a job.”

  She didn’t mention Kevin. Somehow the thought of even saying her husband’s name seemed wrong here. This was between her and Derek.

  His hand stopped its soft progress and he cupped her suddenly. “You’re not to make a sound unless it’s to tell me to stop. Do you understand?”

  Oh, fuck. He was going to do it. He was going to lay that big, callused hand on her backside and light her up. Her whole body went on alert, waiting for that second that he
touched her again, for the little uptake of air that would be followed by the sound of his hand cracking on her ass and the flare of pain that signaled that she could rest.

  Tears pricked her eyes because it had been so fucking long. So long since she hadn’t simply scheduled this, since it came out of nowhere and she could turn her brain off for just a few seconds. She placed her hands on the floor to balance. She didn’t know how much he would want her to touch him so she wasn’t sure where to place her hands.

  “Karina, do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Do you need this as much as I do?” The question came out on the sexiest little groan.

  “Please, Derek. Please. I need it.” Now that she was here, she knew she couldn’t get off his lap without it. All the floggings she’d had from Simon had done the job, but there hadn’t been a well of emotion flowing between them. There was friendship and competence, not this deep need she could feel coming from Derek. How long had it been since the Dom giving her discipline needed her as much as she needed him?

  She felt it. That little baby draft of air and then the loud smack that followed, and she couldn’t help it. She reached for his ankles, grabbing on more because she needed the connection to him than the balance. She wanted it all of a sudden, wanted more than the friendly exchange of service for service. She wanted to need someone, and though it was a bad idea that man was Derek, she didn’t care in that moment.

  He smacked her ass again, sending that sweet burn through her skin. “That’s right. Hold on to me. Let me know how it feels. Are you with me?”

  “Yes, Sir.” She kept her voice low because he’d told her to keep it down. The hum of activity on the outside would likely mask the smacks, but if she called out, there would probably be ten of Dallas’s finest trying to break down the door.

  Smack. Smack. The pain sparked along her skin, causing her to tense at first. It was just pain in the beginning, but she knew what came after. For the patient sub there was pleasure at the end, as though the body could reward her for hanging in there.

  Derek wasn’t a softie. Tears dripped from her eyes as he laid into her backside. Over and over. She wanted to cry out, but she kept her mouth shut and let herself go.

  This was what she missed. She didn’t have to think here. She didn’t have to worry about falling off the wagon or feel regret for all the things she’d done as a kid. She didn’t miss anyone when she was in this place. She simply was. She simply endured and felt and let herself be. Peace, a blessed peace, came with the pain. It didn’t for everyone. She knew that. But it worked for her, and she’d learned long ago to accept herself.

  She lost count, didn’t care after a while. The tears were a release of all the horrible tension of the day, the last few weeks, really. Though she didn’t scream out her pain, just the act of crying felt like someone had opened a valve inside her soul and released all the noxious emotions that had built up there—that she wasn’t worthy, that everything that had happened was her fault, that she’d always be alone and deserved nothing less.

  All the pain she held inside on a daily basis seemed to leech away as he spanked her.

  Finally, after the sweetest forever, his hand stilled on her cheeks. His palm covered her, holding the heat to her skin. He was back to caressing her.

  “You did well. God, you’re fucking gorgeous like this, Karina. Your skin. It’s so beautiful.”

  Spoken like a true Dom. The Doms she knew loved to see their marks on a sub, loved to see a pink ass and know it was there because of their discipline. Something about the way Derek spoke seemed to go straight to her soul. She’d never heard him talk to a sub intimately. He’d always seemed like one of those distant Doms who never let an ounce of emotion flow, but there was such heat in his voice that it melted all of her inhibitions. It was so different than their one hurried and ungainly scene. This time she connected with him. She let her body sag on his, her legs spread just the tiniest bit because her backside wasn’t the only thing that was hot and pink. Her pussy had responded to him by softening and getting ripe and ready for his touch.

  She heard a shaky breath escape from his mouth and his finger ran down the seam of her ass.

  Time seemed to still as he moved closer and closer to her pussy. So close. He would touch her and suddenly she was terrified that she would go off like a rocket the minute he did. The very second those callused fingers of his breached her long unused pussy, she would very likely scream and moan and come all over his hand. She wouldn’t say a word if he shoved her on the desk, pushed his slacks down, and took her. She would let him. It had been so long. So fucking long.

  He moved his fingers away. She bit back a cry because she’d wanted him to touch her so badly and now it was over and it hadn’t been enough. Not even close. He would set her on her feet and she would awkwardly pull her pants up and they would go on like he’d never spanked her, never held her down and made her cry. They would go right back to being wary acquaintances. She would be back in the world and she wasn’t ready for it yet.

  He flipped her over like she didn’t weigh a thing, settling her on his lap. “Relax. I want to play for a minute. You can tell me no, but I don’t shift quickly. I like to spend a little time in aftercare before I have to go back to normal. You can stop me at any time with a simple no.”

  His hand was at the exposed portion of her thigh, skimming up toward her pelvis. Even more disconcerting was the little nest his arm and chest made. He’d situated her so she was oh so close to his body, her head naturally resting against his shoulder, nestling into his neck until she could smell the soap on his body, the clean smell of his skin. She brushed her forehead against his cheek, feeling the roughness of his whiskers against her.

  “I like you like this, Karina. Soft. Sweet. I even like the way your jeans hold your legs together. I’d bind you up and then I would have to work to get at your pussy, but don’t think I won’t. I could tie you up so tight and I would still find a way to get inside you.”

  He was almost there. She couldn’t stop the way she shivered in his arms because it was so much more intimate this way. She was so close to him. His cock pressed against her still-sensitive backside. His lips hovered above hers. All it would take was a slight twist of his head and his mouth would cover hers, his tongue licking along the seam of her lips as his fingers played in her pussy.

  “We can work together, Karina. We can make this work,” he murmured as he turned his face down.

  Like gravity calling to her, she moved with him. Her legs opened as much as they could, her lips turning up to meet his.

  They could make this work. They could be good for each other.

  A loud knock cracked through the air.

  Karina was jarred back to reality and practically jumped off his lap. Her heart was pounding, her whole body aching for something that wasn’t going to happen. Oh, god, she’d been just about to spread her legs and let a man who didn’t even like her inside. Years and years of chastity and faithfulness to her husband’s memory had almost blown out the door.

  Tears blurred her eyes. She’d almost kissed another man.

  Derek caught her around her waist before she fell over. “Hey, baby, it’s all right. The door’s locked.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t. You can’t call me that.”

  She’d been Kevin’s baby. Sometimes she could still hear him calling her baby and telling her everything would be all right. She forced back tears. She’d been naked with Doms at Sanctum, but none of it had touched her the way the last few minutes with Derek had. Not in all the floggings and spankings and demos had she ever once laid in the Dom’s arms and reveled in how he smelled and how his arms had sheltered her.

  For just a few seconds, she’d felt safe.

  Derek stepped back and his face went to that blank mask she knew so well. “Of course. You should get dressed, Karina. I’ll be at your place tonight at six to go over the specifics of the case. If Sean and Liam have to leave, call me an
d I’ll arrange to leave here early. I don’t want you alone.”

  She managed to get her jeans up and with shaking hands, pulled the zipper. What had she just done?

  Derek reached over his desk and pulled a box of tissue. He handed it to her with the politeness of a stranger. “You’re crying.”

  She probably looked horrible. She wasn’t a pretty crier. Unlike a lot of other women she knew who could look gorgeous when they teared up, she inevitably went a blotchy red and her face puffed up. She grabbed the box, taking a couple of tissues. “Thank you.”

  “Derek! I know you’re in there, lover. Open the door,” a feminine voice demanded.

  Karina felt her eyes go wide as she looked back at Derek.

  It seemed to be his turn to go red. “It’s my ex and she is most certainly not my lover, Karina, so wipe the indignation off your pretty face and you might want to flee. She’s a raving beast underneath all that Prada.”

  She huffed a little. She knew exactly what she looked like when she’d been crying. “You don’t have to be mean. I know I look terrible.”

  He frowned and his hand came out to force her to look at him. “You’re beautiful when you cry because I know you mean it. You cry like a woman, not a manipulative little girl. It pleases me, Karina, and at least for the next few weeks, I hope that means something to you. Now go home and don’t look her in the eyes. She’s like Medusa. She will turn you to stone.”

  And she was apparently impatient. There was another volley of knocking. “Derek! I’m not kidding. Quit fucking whoever you’re fucking and open the damn door.”

  “She sounds lovely.” Karina forced herself to stop shaking. It wasn’t Derek’s fault that she felt so damn guilty. He’d done everything he should have done. He’d given her every out. Well, he’d also threatened to take her off the case, but she could almost forgive him for that. He was an old school “protect the women” kind of guy. It was just she was pretty sure up until today, he hadn’t considered her a woman.