From Sanctum with Love ARe Read online

She understood the problem he was facing. “But you have a shelf life.”

  “Most actors do. I’m never going to be a character actor. I’m not that good. I’ve got ten years maybe before I have to transition.”

  “TV is kinder,” she pointed out.

  “It is. But if I have a shot at doing something more, shouldn’t I take it?” Jared asked.

  “It depends. What do you want? Stop listening to all the other voices. I get that you have about a hundred voices playing through your head at any given moment. You’ve got the people who work for you. You’ve got the producers. You’ve got an entire small industry that has built itself around you and you feel the weight of it. You’ve got the inner voices. The ones that tell you you’re not good enough and all this is going to go away tomorrow. The ones that tell you if you make one wrong move, you’ll be done.”

  “Heard those, have you?”

  She’d been an artist once. She still heard some of them. And some of them, the ones that had felt dead and gone, those had started whispering to her. They’d started telling stories again. “Yes. So now I’m going to tell you what you have to do. You have to shut them all out and hear the only voice that matters now. Yours. What do you want? Not what’s going to placate the most people. What does Jared John Ferguson want?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Is that what you did? Is that why you walked away?”

  “Hey, we’re supposed to be talking about you here.”

  His voice lowered and she realized he was taking the whole Dom training seriously because he suddenly sounded like one. “And you are suddenly the only link I have to my family. Family opens up. Family talks. You want me to follow your advice, then tell me why you left. You were smart and your scripts were good. And everyone knew you were the one writing those scripts.”

  This was something she’d been avoiding thinking about for years. “I wasn’t strong enough then. I didn’t believe enough in myself, and maybe when I think about it deep down inside, maybe I didn’t want it enough to fight. I thought that was my dream. I was wrong. I’m happier here.”

  Though lately she’d begun to wonder if she wasn’t missing one tiny thing.

  “It’s a rough lifestyle. No one gets that. They see famous people and think about how good they have it.” Jared sat back up. “It’s hard. It’s going to get harder from here.”

  “How much money do you need, Jared? How much fame? I walked out because I realized how much of myself I’d given up. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It’s taken years, but I’m me again. I’m not the me I’ll be ten years from now, but I’m the me I chose.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “I want to stay. I like the show. I want to see where it goes. I’m smart with my money now. And honestly, if it goes away tomorrow, I’ll still be okay. When I look deep down, I want to stay on the show as long as it lasts. I’m happy there.”

  “Then that’s your answer.”

  A grin lit his face. “Do you have any idea how many people I’m going to piss off?”

  “That brings us to step number two in becoming a real live boy, Jared. You can’t allow that to sway you. This is your decision. It’s your life. You can’t live it for other people.”

  He nodded. “You’re really happier here?”

  “Oh, yes. I can breathe here and it’s not about a place. The location means nothing. I found the right people. I found people I care about who accept me for who I am. It made me accept me. That’s the hardest part. It’s too easy to find fault in ourselves. I’m still scared. I’m scared of what’s happening between me and Kai to tell you the truth.” He was oddly easy to talk to. Once a woman got past how beautiful Jared was, he was a great guy, willing to listen, willing to talk about something other than himself. “I think if I get in too deep with him, I’ll lose myself all over again.”

  “Or you’ll find something even better.”

  “There’s that fine line I’m trying to walk. I do get that. I’m trying to be reasonable. Hell, it might not even be as serious as I think it is.”

  Jared shook his head. “Nope. It’s serious. He’s in love with you. It’s a perverted freaky love, but it’s love.”

  She couldn’t help but think about what Kai would do with that gift he’d given her. “I like perverted, freaky love.”

  “Good because I think you’re the woman he needs,” Jared said, but his smile faded. “The problem is Kai doesn’t always know what he needs.”

  “What do you mean?” She wasn’t going to discount his opinion. Jared had grown up with Kai. Jared had lived with Kai when his core was being formed. He understood things no one else could, had seen pieces of Kai no one else had.

  Jared sighed and was silent for a moment, as though thinking through what he was going to say. Or deciding if he was going to say it at all.

  “Hey, just put it out there. Like you said before, we’re practically family.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about,” Jared admitted. “I like you a lot, Kori. I think you could be so good for him, but Kai puts a lot of things before his relationships. He also isn’t very quick to forgive.”

  “Jared, you slept with his fiancée.”

  He held a hand up. “I’m not only talking about me. You tend to get one shot with Kai. He can be huggy with all the people in the world who don’t really touch him. He can hold them at a distance and be tolerant, but with the people he’s closest to, he can get pretty judgmental. I worry he’s gotten worse over the years. The Kai I used to know would already have a ring on your finger.”

  Her stomach turned at the thought, but not for the reason she would have guessed. “How long was it before he asked his fiancée?”

  “He’d known her a month and then he wanted to actually get married before he went into the service, but she held out. She said she wanted a big wedding. I overheard. He argued that he simply wanted her. Be careful, Kori. One of the few times I tried to talk to him after the incident with Hannah, he promised me he would never get serious with another girl. The good news is he seems to have broken that promise. Now, I’m going to sleep for a while because when I make this announcement, I’m going to piss off everyone in my life with the exception of Squirrel.” He gave her a grim smile. “Hey, I’ve always got Squirrel. But maybe I’ll put off the announcement for a while. After we wrap this film I’ve got a couple of weeks vacation. I’ll go someplace none of the bastards can find me. Then I’ll tell them.”

  It sounded like a perfect plan to Kori. He stood up and Kori remembered why she’d run out here. “Hey, I was wondering if I could bring a friend along tonight.”

  He stopped, his jaw forming a hard line. “Sarah?”

  That wasn’t a good look. “Yes.”

  He paused for a moment before answering. “I would rather you didn’t. I like her.”

  “That would seem to be a reason to invite her along.”

  “I like her. She’s a lovely woman and I could spend time with her, but I couldn’t bring her into my world.”

  She had no idea what was going on in his head. “I don’t know that she wants to go into your world. I think she wants to spend time with you.”

  “Yeah, well, I can find a lot of women who want to spend time with me. Do you know the funny thing? Most of them don’t bother to call after they’ve gotten what they want. Even the ones who seem so nice and sweet, they run once they get a taste of what it’s like to be close to me. Over the last couple of years I’ve found some women I thought I could get close to, really talk to. Once I left town, they never called.”

  “Did you call them?”

  His head shook briefly. “I try to leave it in their hands. I don’t want to pressure anyone. Sarah is different. She’s vibrant and cool and fun, and if she was my girl I would have one of two choices. I could hide her away or I could let the vultures have her.”

  God, he really was Kai’s brother. “Sarah is a strong woman.”

  “They break down everyone.” Jared lifted up his bag, a hollow look on h
is face. “I can’t do that to her. She’s stunning. She’s so fucking beautiful I can barely look at her, and they’ll make her feel like she’s nothing. How can I do that to a woman I like?”

  “Shouldn’t that be her decision?”

  His shoulders squared and he seemed to grow a damn foot. “No. It’s mine. She needs to stay out of this life. She’ll be happier. I’m sorry, Kori. The last thing I want to do is disappoint you. It’s an actual ache in my gut to do it, but I have to. She deserves better than what they would do to her. They shame anyone who isn’t a size zero negative. I’ve seen them hurt women who are a fucking size two. No woman can win with them. Sometimes I think they live to hurt people.”

  “Shouldn’t she decide if she can handle it?” Sarah was strong. She believed in herself. Sarah was smart and self-sufficient.

  “She doesn’t understand what could come for her. Not really. I’ve had several women who understood how bad it could be.”

  “Maybe you’ve found not-so-strong women.”

  “Maybe, but they taught me. I like Sarah too much to put her in harm’s way. Please come up with a reason she shouldn’t come. If you can’t, I’ll have to ignore her and that’s going to break her in a way I never would. I like her. Please don’t make me hurt her.”

  Kori understood him. She got that he was trying to save her from herself, but her heart ached for her friend. And for Jared. It seemed like an awfully lonely life.

  The door opened and Kori recognized the young man walking toward the office. He was a patient of Kai’s.

  “I’ll think about how to handle it,” she said, standing up. “Maybe I’ll convince her to stay in and watch some movies with me.”

  “Oh, yeah, I guess that would work. Though if you don’t come, I can’t imagine Kai would. I’ll leave it in your hands.” Jared turned and walked up the stairs.

  Kori walked back to the office to make a call. If she told Sarah she couldn’t go, it would break her friend’s heart. She walked through the door in time to see Case walking out as Kai greeted his patient and allowed him into his office. His eyes found hers as he began to close the door.

  Heat flashed through her system because there was promise in those eyes. Was the promise only for now? Did she have a future with him?

  She settled in behind her desk, her thoughts on how to handle the Ferguson brothers.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Kai closed the door that led to the lobby behind his last patient of the day. He now had a couple of hours before he would be expected to go to some dance club where he would likely be the closest thing to an adult in attendance. He hated those places. They made him feel old, but then it wasn’t like he’d frequented them in his younger years.

  Maybe he’d been born old.

  There was one person who could make him feel young though. One activity that could make him not care about any of the pressure that was building inside him.

  “Are you going to lock up?” Kori asked. “Because I was kind of hoping we could have a talk.”

  That didn’t sound good. “About what?”

  “Tonight.”

  Shit. It wasn’t like Kori wanted to go to the nightclub. She loved Sanctum, but other than that, she tended to be a homebody. He’d spent the last couple of nights curled on the couch with her as she watched TV and he read a book. He thought it would annoy him. He didn’t even own a TV, but something about how much it seemed to please her made it all right. He’d even watched one of the mystery shows with her. It hadn’t been half bad. Modern day Sherlock Holmes was a nice way to spend the evening. He’d had to talk her into going to the nightclub with him. “You’ve changed your mind?”

  What the hell was he going to do if he didn’t have Kori with him? Would Mia still go? She’d seemed so happy to have a friend going with her.

  “I was thinking about staying home and spending some time with Sarah.”

  “Why doesn’t she come out with us?” Sarah would be excellent at distracting Kori. The more he thought about it, the better he liked the idea. Sarah might distract Jared, too. The lovely brunette was exactly his brother’s type. That way Kai wouldn’t spend the entire evening thinking about murdering his brother because if it was only Kori and Mia, Jared’s attention would laser focus on Kori. “Sarah loves to dance.”

  Kori frowned. “Jared doesn’t want her to come.”

  “My brother doesn’t want a pretty, curvy girl around?” Who the hell were they talking about?

  “I think he’s worried for her. I also think he’s gotten hurt one too many times.”

  “Jared doesn’t get hurt. Jared parties and plays and has fun.” And lies. Lots and lots of lies. His eyes caught on the present he’d sent her earlier today. The bouquet of evil sticks was sitting on her desk for all to see. His girl wasn’t one to hide herself away. She didn’t pretend to be a masochist like other subs he’d met. She was a pretty little pain slut. His pretty pain slut.

  Fuck. He was hard again. He’d spent every night since that first scene at her place, making her come as often as he could, and the beast still wasn’t satisfied. He had to admit, it felt good to want someone as much as he wanted her. Craved her. Needed her.

  Now.

  “I don’t think so, Kai. I don’t think you know him as well as you think you do. He’s changed over the years. Are you serious?” She was staring at his crotch, one brow up over her pretty eyes.

  He couldn’t help it. He locked the door and drew the blinds. “Ms. Williamson, I’m afraid I need to talk to you about your performance.”

  She sighed. “Kai, I think we need to talk about your brother.”

  That was the last thing he wanted. “It’s been a rough day, baby. Can we play for a while? I’ll understand if you don’t want to and then we can go have a nice dinner and I’ll go out with Jared by myself.”

  He hoped guilt worked on her. He threw in some puppy dog eyes to make the point clear.

  “I can’t believe you’re giving me that look,” she complained. “You think I don’t know that look? Because I do. That’s your sad puppy look and it always works, damn it. It’s so freaking cute on you.”

  He let his fingers brush over the pink tops of the sadisticks before selecting one. Yeah, they would leave nice marks on her skin. She would squirm and cry when he worked her over. Maybe if she was happy with him, she would plead with him to stop. Not use her safe word, of course. It was all part of the game. She would pretend she couldn’t take another second and his cock would respond. “If you want Sarah to come out with us tonight, invite her along.”

  “I told you, Jared doesn’t want her there.”

  “He does want her. I assure you I know what type of women my brother likes, and I’m surprised he hasn’t jumped into bed with her yet.” He moved behind her, relaxing because he was sure he was about to get what he needed. He put his hands on her shoulders, fingers running under the edge of her blouse so he could feel the heat of her skin. He loved how her shoulders immediately relaxed, as though submitting to their Master.

  “He doesn’t want to subject her to his world,” she replied, her voice dropping.

  His fingers massaged the muscles of her shoulders as he started to work the blouse down. “Sarah’s a strong woman. She can hold up to the scrutiny. What she won’t be able to handle is not knowing if it could have worked. Did Jared forbid her from coming?”

  “Not exactly. He said if she came, he would ignore her. What am I supposed to say to her? She knows damn well Case and Mia are going and that Jared doesn’t have a date. It’s going to hurt her feelings if I tell her she can’t go, and it’ll hurt her if he ignores her.”

  “Ah, but if he ignores her, she’ll be able to say she tried at least.” He needed Kori with him and he wasn’t saying anything he didn’t believe. Sarah would be happier with a direct confrontation than she would being left behind. He didn’t actually think Jared would be able to ignore her, but if he did then Sarah could call him a dick and move on. “Being left completely out witho
ut an explanation will hurt her more than Jared ignoring her.”

  He ran his right hand up her scalp, tugging lightly. This was a dance and he needed to warm her up.

  She sighed as he pulled her hair. “I think Jared really doesn’t want her to come.”

  “Then he can turn her down. It isn’t right to make you do it. He’s the one who showed up at your house and flirted with your friend. He’s the one who made her think she had a shot with him.”

  “Something happened in Vancouver. God, that feels so good, Kai.”

  This would feel even better. He leaned over and kissed her ear, running his tongue over the shell before he nipped her earlobe. Her whole body shivered under his touch. So responsive. So perfect for him. “I’ll handle it. I’ll make sure none of this blows back on you. Sarah can come with us. If Jared ignores her, she’ll find someone else and she’ll have fun. Sarah isn’t a girl to sit idly around waiting for her prince to come.”

  “You can’t be mean to Jared,” she said firmly.

  He bit her again. “How about a please? We’re playing right now, unless you tell me to stop. When we’re playing you don’t give me that ballsy, take-charge voice. You get to be in charge most of the time. This is my time.”

  He needed it. The truth was he needed both Koris. He needed the Kori who took charge of the office and made things run smoothly, the one who he didn’t worry about because she could take care of herself when she needed to. He also needed the Kori who submitted to him, who needed what only he could give her.

  Damn but he needed that Kori right now.

  She turned in her chair, the one he’d bought for her because after their first office had blown up, he’d enjoyed shopping for new furniture with her.

  Why had he wasted all this fucking time? Was he going to waste more? Was it too early to get her tipsy and on a flight to Vegas and oops, where did that wedding ring come from? Damn, guess we should make the best of it.

  He had to play it cool with her. She was the elusive, free-range sub and he had to get her to understand she was safe with him.