Memento Mori Kobo Read online

  River shook her head as though trying to clear it. “You said you could help me.”

  Jax couldn’t let that happen. “You don’t need help.” He needed to get her out of here. If he could get her alone, maybe he could explain. “You need to talk to me. Baby, I can explain.”

  She didn’t even turn around. “You’re not going to help me? You told me you could fix things.”

  “I’m not sure what I would do to help you. It’s not like I can go to the cops. We don’t want them to know about Jax’s existence,” Levi replied as though he was talking about the weather and not people’s lives. “You’re not going to take him out into the woods. That’s what I needed you to do. I doubt he’ll be able to find it on his own. Besides, I think they’ll have to move on soon. I believe MSS knows where you are, my friends. You got a visit today. Didn’t you?”

  Well, now they knew who’d hired the mercenaries.

  “God, you’re such an asshole, Levi,” Solo said between gritted teeth. “Are you trying to tell me the Agency knew Chinese intelligence was on their way, but they didn’t do anything? I had to stop it, and I barely managed to take them out before they got away with Jax and Robert.”

  And now they knew who the helpful shooter was. Solo must have seen them being taken and known what was happening. He would thank her except River was looking at her like she didn’t know the woman.

  “The faction I’m working for doesn’t want The Ranch opened,” Levi replied. “They want to wait. If MSS wants to come in and stop that, we’re open to working with them.”

  Ezra shook his head. “And this is why I left.”

  Levi pointed his way. “You left because you’ve gotten naïve in your old age. The world doesn’t work the way you want it to so you walk away. We make the hard calls. We do the dirty work so the rest of those idiots out there can sleep at night.”

  “You were willing to sacrifice lives,” Ezra shot back.

  “Was? Oh, I am still willing to sacrifice. I’ll sacrifice them all if it keeps my country safe,” Levi replied. “I’ll burn it all down to do my job. In that particular way I’m much more like Solo than I was ever like you. Solo knows that sometimes you gotta break a couple of eggs to make that omelet, don’t you, babe?”

  Ezra’s face went a bright red and he launched himself at Levi, moving with all the grace of a charging rhino. Jax pulled River into his arms because she was in the line of fire. Ezra’s big body shoved into his, sending him off balance and he twisted, taking the brunt of the fall as the small room exploded with violence. He could feel her shaking, her arms wrapping around him as he cupped her head in his hands. Ezra punched Levi right in the face, putting him on the ground. There was a crash as the lamp on the table hit the floor and broke into pieces. Jax hissed as a piece of glass struck him in the arm.

  Tucker moved in, trying to get between the fighting men. He took a kick to the gut as Levi started to fight back.

  “Can’t handle the truth, can you, Ez?”

  Ezra said nothing, merely hauled him up by his suspenders and drilled a fist into his gut.

  “Stop it.” Solo stepped over Tucker, trying to get to Ezra. “You have to stop, Beck. He’s not worth it.”

  Jax wasn’t waiting for them to resolve their differences. He got to his feet and hauled River up. He wasn’t taking no for an answer in this case. Everyone in the fucking room had a gun, and he wouldn’t risk her getting caught in the crossfire of people who obviously had their own issues to work out.

  She buried her head in his neck, her arms around him as he carried her out. There was a movie playing on a screen outside the parking lot. Some old black and white romance played out as he walked her away from the room. He could still hear the sound of something smashing and Tucker yelling.

  He would take her back to her place and they would talk. He would find a way to make her understand. He had to.

  “It’s going to be okay.” She felt right in his arms. He realized this was what he’d needed from that first moment he’d woken up in that bright white sterile room. He’d wanted this feeling. To love and protect someone. To feel like he was a part of something good. He was a part of Jax and River and it was all he needed. He didn’t fucking need what had come before. That was the past and it didn’t matter. She mattered.

  “Put me down.”

  He didn’t stop walking. He would walk her back to the bar and get her Jeep. “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay.” Her arms had come down from his neck and she stiffened, making it difficult to carry her. “Put me down now, Jax, or whatever your name is. Put me down or I’ll start screaming. You might have the sheriff of this county in your pocket, but I assure you I can find another. I can find someone who’ll care about what you’ve done.”

  All she would have to do was call Interpol or the FBI and he was sure they would come running. “There’s an explanation.”

  “I don’t want to listen to it. I don’t want you touching me.”

  He set her down, drawing his hands away. He couldn’t force himself on her. He’d had all his choices taken from him. He couldn’t do it to her, not even the small ones. “Please, River. I’m asking you to listen to me. Look at me, baby. Look into my eyes. I’m crazy about you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I was talking to Tucker tonight about telling you everything. I couldn’t because it’s not just my secret to tell. The others are involved.”

  She stared up at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Is he really your brother?”

  God, she would ask that now. “Not by blood. Or hell, I have no fucking idea. Maybe he is. That’s the point. I don’t know.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m not letting you tell me some pack of lies. You should write, Jax. You tell an amazing story. God, do you even care about what could have happened to me? If the feds come after me for the money you stole, I’ll go to jail. I’ll lose everything. I just got the business back on its feet. It’s all I have left. I’ll lose the cabin and the business and it’s all I fucking have left of him.”

  Her chest was heaving, emotion coming off her in waves.

  He’d done this to her. He was the reason she couldn’t breathe. He was the reason she thought she would lose the last memories of her father.

  “Please let me take you back to your Jeep. Please. I can’t leave you alone to walk back there. I won’t talk to you again. I won’t bother you and I’ll do whatever you want me to with the money, but I can’t send you out alone.”

  Her hands were fists at her sides. “You don’t get to ask me for anything.”

  “I’ll take her home.” Solo stood a few feet away, her jaw tight and shoulders squared.

  Ezra walked out behind her, Tucker following. “You sure you’re not going to stay here with your boyfriend?”

  Solo’s face fell. “I was looking for solace, Beck.”

  “You call me Ezra,” he replied. “When you made the decision to not pull my brother’s team out of the mission in Africa, you killed him. But when you decided to fuck Levi Green, baby, that’s when you killed Beckett Kent.”

  She closed her eyes as if she were in pain. “Get in the car, River.”

  “Fuck you all.” River turned and started walking.

  She was walking away from him and he wouldn’t see her again.

  He started to walk toward River. He would follow her home if he had to. He would keep his distance, but he would make sure nothing bad happened to her. Nothing else bad.

  Solo put out a hand, stopping him. “I’ll take care of her.”

  River turned. “You will not. You’re a liar, too.”

  “I might be a liar, but I’m also your friend. And I can do what he can’t.” Solo moved in behind River and had her arm in a lock before she could take another breath. “I can force you.”

  Anger thrummed through him. It didn’t matter that she was female, Solo had her hands on River, and not in a comforting way. “Let her go.”

  River started to move toward Solo’s
SUV.

  Ezra stepped in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Let her go. When Solo gets it in her head to do something, nothing stops her, and I don’t want to have to call the doc after she’s done with you.”

  Tucker stood beside him. “We can’t let her walk away with River. Jax needs to talk to her. We can tell her the truth.”

  She wouldn’t listen, but he had other problems. The person she thought was Heather was actually an operative. She could hurt her or take her someplace where they would question her. “I want River out of this.”

  It was the only thing he could give her at this point.

  Ezra looked him straight in the eyes. His nose was swollen and he would likely have a hell of a black eye in the morning. “She won’t hurt River. She’s honestly our only shot at getting this thing back on track. I might have personal problems with Solo but she’s a solid agent. She likes River. She won’t hurt her and she won’t let her get into a situation where she hurts herself. Please trust me, Jax.”

  He nodded tightly, watching Solo move River into the car. He stood there as the headlights came on and they drove away.

  Everything he wanted was in that car and she wouldn’t come back.

  He’d lost her.

  “Who is Solo to you?” He heard Tucker ask.

  Ezra turned away and for a moment Jax thought he might not answer.

  “She’s my wife.”

  He knew he should feel something, some deep compassion for Ezra because the words had come out his mouth hollow and dead.

  But all he could think about was River and the fact that he would never see her again. He moved when Tucker put a hand on his shoulder.

  “Come on,” his brother said. “Let’s go back to the cabin and talk this out. We’ll find a way.”

  He got in the car, but stared straight ahead, the beauty of the world around him duller now that she wasn’t with him.

  * * * *

  River felt the car moving but it seemed like she was still stuck in that small motel room. She knew the town was flowing around her, passing the Trading Post and Stella’s, but all she could see were those photographs. The proof of his lies would be in her head forever.

  It was obvious Levi Green was an asshole, but he hadn’t made up the arrest warrants. He couldn’t control the Internet. Jax had admitted it. Oh, he’d claimed there were reasons, but she didn’t need reasons.

  “You don’t understand what Jax has been through.” Solo sat stiff in the driver’s seat, her normal grace seeming to flee in the face of the drama of the past few moments.

  “I don’t care.” She was sure every criminal had a story about how he’d gotten to that point. No tales of Jax’s shitty childhood could justify his crimes.

  “You do, but you’re in shock. I get that.”

  She needed to make a few things plain. “I meant what I said. You’re fired. I don’t want to see you in the office again.”

  “Going to play the tough chick, huh? Let me tell you something, sister. You can’t play that role any better than me. I’ve played that role for years and it’s cost me everything.”

  As long as she was stuck here, she might as well ask a few questions. “Was that man your lover?”

  “Beck was my husband.” She shook her head, never taking her eyes off the road. “The man you know as Ezra Fain is named Beckett Kent. My legal name is Kimberly Solomon Kent, though I’m sure he would say I stole his name, too.”

  “I don’t care.” She didn’t want to listen to anyone else’s sad story. She had her own to think about.

  Jax had been so sweet, so perfect. She should have known. She should have understood that first night. There’s no way a man like that wanted her.

  Something about him had called to her. It reminded her of a moment she’d had long ago. She’d been in the woods, hiking a trail by herself, and she’d come face to face with an enormous buck. She’d been stopped in her tracks, shocked by how large and pointed its antlers were. The buck had huffed and then settled down, staring straight at her. And she’d had a moment of perfect clarity. That buck had been alone in the world, too, searching for something that would keep it going, that would make existence simpler. Every creature on the planet wanted life and peace, craved it, and not a one ever got it, not really.

  She’d looked into Jax’s eyes and seen the connection.

  How could it have been a lie?

  Why couldn’t she feel the pain? That scared her far more than anything else. She’d gone numb again. Ty once told her the worst wounds were the ones that were so painful the body couldn’t process them. He’d treated a man one time who had broken his leg so badly it had twisted off at the knee in a partial amputation. The man had lain there in the snow insisting nothing was wrong with him.

  He hadn’t felt the pain, as though the universe knew he would die and gave him the gift of a few final agony-free moments.

  Was some essential piece of herself finally dying? Would her heart beat on, missing the source that animated it?

  “River, I know you’re angry, but I need you to listen to me. My ex-husband is a good man.”

  “Then why did you cheat on him?” She wouldn’t stop talking and they had a few minutes until they reached Trio. Why not turn this around on the woman who’d pretended to be her friend?

  Solo’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I never once cheated on him. I didn’t look at another man. From the minute Beck walked into my life, he was the only man for me. Levi was a friend and after I got the final divorce papers, we went out drinking and I woke up in bed with him. It was stupid and wrong and I didn’t know Levi would use it against him. But this is not about me.”

  “Oh, I disagree. I think this is all about you. It’s not about me. I’m utterly incidental in this game you’ve been playing.”

  The bar was up ahead, but Solo stopped at the corner, turning in her seat. “It’s not a game. It’s serious and we need you. I can take them in, but I don’t know the location. I’ve looked for The Ranch several times myself, but I think you’ll know how to find it.”

  “I believe I’ll skip this job.” She wanted to get as far away from these people as she possibly could. She would close the office and pack up her Jeep. She would let Marie put the cabin up for sale and then she would hit the road. “You feel free to do anything you want with that band of criminals. But don’t you dare try to talk Ty or Andy into it. I want them out.”

  “I know Levi got to you. He’s excellent at his job, but his job is to sometimes take the truth and manipulate it to suit his purposes. He told you that Jax was wanted, but did he explain why?”

  “I assume he’s wanted because he robbed a fucking bank.” She didn’t even recognize herself. She didn’t curse like this. She didn’t sound monotone and dead.

  Solo leaned closer. “But you have to ask why he robbed it.”

  “No, I don’t. There’s no justification.”

  “The world is not black and white. You’ve lived a nice, cushy existence here, but Jax came from what I can only describe as hell on earth. What he’s been forced to live through I can’t even imagine.”

  “I don’t care.” She couldn’t allow herself to care or feel. She couldn’t give herself even the tiniest crack or she would find a way to run through it and she would fall back into the trap. She would trick herself again and there would be no going back.

  Solo shook her head. “River, this isn’t you.”

  A thought occurred to her. How had Solo found them? How had she known where they’d gone? “Did you follow me from the bar or did you put something on my phone the morning after we met Jax? Something that made it so you could listen in or find me.”

  She’d thought it had been Jax who’d gone through her purse, but there was another player in the game now. It made sense when she thought about it.

  Solo didn’t bother to blush. “After I found out you were getting involved with the Lost Boys, I knew I had to have a way to track you. Yes, I duped yo
ur phone that morning and I should have been way more careful about it. I’ve been with you for months and I gave you your privacy until it became dangerous for you to have it.”

  “Well, thank you for allowing me some fucking privacy.” Had Solo listened in on her conversations? Seen the flirty texts she’d sent to Jax? Or the other things. “Hope you liked the pictures of my boobs I sent him. Maybe he’ll have some fun putting those out as revenge porn.”

  “He would never do that. And I’m sorry, but god, River, I’ve seen you come alive in the last few days. I’ve seen you glow. Do you want to lose that?”

  She’d already lost it. “How long have you known him? Did you set up our meeting that night?”

  Had she been led like a lamb to slaughter?

  “I don’t know him or any of them personally,” Solo admitted. “Beck was wrong about my mission. The truth is I was sent here to make a report on Henry.”

  “Who used to be an assassin.” It seemed like Bliss attracted them.

  “He was an operative and a damn fine one,” Solo replied. “Levi was right about one thing. We do sometimes have to get our hands bloody to protect people. I think Levi’s taking it a step too far, but you cannot judge Bishop. He’s saved more lives than you can imagine, but I get you’re not going to listen to anyone tonight.”

  She wouldn’t listen to them ever again. She slid out of the SUV. “I don’t care why you were here. I don’t care what you’re doing with Jax.”

  “Do you know what they call Jax and his team?” Solo asked.

  “I don’t care.” She would keep saying it until she believed it.

  “The Lost Boys. Think about that, River. Think about everything he’s said to you, everything he’s done for you. When you’re ready, I’ll let you read my files on them and you’ll understand what his very short life has been like.”

  “It’s not that short,” she shot back. Jax was at least thirty.

  “It’s shorter than you can imagine,” Solo said. “It’s more violent and abusive than you can imagine. But he survived and the fact that he could fall in love with you, that he or any one of them got out of that life with the capacity for kindness, is a miracle. I know why Big Tag called them the Lost Boys. He was being sarcastic, but it fits them. And what you have to remember is that anything that’s lost can be found again. God, I have to believe that. You found yourself again with him. Don’t give that up because you’re afraid. Don’t live the rest of your life without compassion, without forgiveness, without love.”