For His Eyes Only Read online

  She didn’t respond, merely hummed around his cock, the vibration sending waves of pleasure through him.

  He let his hand drift down as he allowed the sensations to wash over him. He breathed in and out, taking in the scent of her shampoo and their arousal.

  “Cup my balls. Touch them, too. I want to feel you on every inch of my cock.” He’d missed this that first night. He didn’t intend to miss it again. She was right. It was better to know than to have to dream about it. The real thing would be something he could recall and think about for the rest of his life. He would lie in bed and remember how good it felt to have her tongue on him, to be her Master.

  Fuck, he knew it was a slippery slope, but he was falling right down it.

  “More. Take more. I’m not going to stop. Take it all. Everything I have to give you.” He took control, gently guiding her. “This is how it’s going to be. You should think about this. I’m going to ask you to sign a contract with me, but think about how demanding I’m going to be. Think about how much I’m going to want from you. While you’re here, you’ll be at my beck and call. You’ll live with me, sleep with me, obey me when it comes to your safety, and when I decide you need it, you’ll be disciplined by me.”

  She hummed around him again as though trying to respond. Unfortunately for her, she had a big cock in her mouth. He looked down to where she was swallowing him whole. Her eyes were closed, but her hands drifted around to cup his ass as though she was trying to keep him close. He could have told her absolutely nothing would stop him now. He was far too close to the edge and he intended to go over it.

  She worked his cock until every thrust was a complete acceptance. In and out, he fucked her mouth, glorying in the soft velvet heat of her. He felt the scrape of her teeth, but it was nothing but one more sensation to be had. He thrust in and felt the soft spot at the back of her throat and couldn’t stop himself. His cock pulsed and then he felt the swell of white-hot release. It shivered down his spine and lit his whole body up in a way it hadn’t in years. Because she was more than a fuck. In the chaos of the moment, the idea slipped inside his brain and he couldn’t quite reject it.

  He thrust in, letting the tension drain even as his hands softened on her hair.

  Hayley didn’t stop. She sucked and licked and swallowed down everything he gave her.

  Because she wasn’t some piece of porcelain. Because she wasn’t some pretty perfect thing to put on a pedestal.

  She was a woman and he had to start treating her like one.

  She could be a hell of a woman if he would let her, a voice inside him said. She could be his woman if he worked hard enough.

  She sat back on her heels and a wave of pure possessiveness went through him.

  This was all a mistake.

  Hayley smiled up at him. “I knew it would be like this.”

  She’d said it that night, too. She’d said the same thing as she’d reached for him, holding him close.

  He was doing it again. The truth washed over him like ice water, waking him up to the fact that he was fooling himself. He’d promised he would get the contract between them before he moved on. It hadn’t taken more than one push from her and he was ready to shove his cock deep and pretend she was his for the time being.

  He glanced at the clock. He’d even forgotten about his meeting with Walter. A meeting intended to ensure Hayley’s safety.

  He’d learned nothing in five years.

  “Nick?” Hayley was still sitting there, still gorgeous and naked and waiting for him.

  He reached down and pulled up his boxers and slacks, his hands shaking. “I’m late for my meeting.”

  “What?” She sounded breathless and now she seemed to be figuring out that things weren’t going the way they should.

  He needed her dressed. He couldn’t look at her breasts and not want to touch her. He was going to lose control again if she didn’t cover up. He reached into the bag and pulled out the nightgown he’d bought her along with the plain flannel PJs that he’d thought might be some kind of armor against him. He tossed her the gown. “You should cover up.”

  She paled but stood quickly, as though she couldn’t get the gown over her head fast enough.

  He was a dick. He was a horrible prick of a man, but he couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t fall madly for a woman who wouldn’t ever truly need him, who might fuck him when it was convenient, might enjoy him for brief periods of time, but he could never be essential to Hayley.

  He had his hand on the door when he heard her sniffle.

  And now he was the asshole who’d made her cry.

  He let his head hit the door.

  “Did I do it wrong?” Hayley asked quietly. “Because if I did, you could tell me. You don’t have to make me feel like shit. You know, it’s awful what you just did. Was that some kind of revenge? Was it something you’ve been waiting to do? Show the stupid girl how she can never get the guy?”

  Let her. Let her see how pathetic you are, how utterly devoid you are. Let her see how empty you’ve been for fucking years and then she’ll know the real measure of you.

  It would be easier.

  “I was wrong to do that. I’m sorry. I was wrong to offer you anything at all. You can stay with Kayla. I’m going to hurt you again and I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “So the contract then? That was a lie?”

  He should turn and face her and tell her everything that came out of his mouth was a damn lie. “I changed my mind.”

  “Coward.”

  Yes, he was definitely that. “I’m sorry, Hayley.”

  She suddenly wrapped her arms around him from behind. He hadn’t heard her move, but now she was hugging him, resting her head against his back. “I’m not Des and you didn’t change your mind. You felt something for me and that scared you. That’s not wrong, Nicky. I feel something for you, too, and the truth of the matter is I’m so lonely and empty that I’ll take your contract and whatever time limit you want to put on it.”

  He should push her away, but he found his hand running up to hers, to hold her against him. “It can’t work.”

  “Maybe not forever, but we can enjoy ourselves now. I know that night wasn’t a big deal to you,” she began.

  Somehow it was easier to speak the truth when he wasn’t looking at her. “I think about it all the time.”

  She sighed against him. “Then let’s give each other closure. For a minute there I thought you were punishing me, but walking away is more about punishing yourself, isn’t it?”

  He wasn’t sure he liked how easily she saw through him. “I don’t deserve even a few weeks with you.”

  “Sign the contract with me, Nick. Show me this world you love and share it with me, and maybe I can stop being angry with you and angry with myself for not being able to keep you. And maybe you’ll stop being angry with yourself, too. We can be kind to each other.”

  “This doesn’t end in marriage, dushka. You deserve that, but I’m never going to be the kind of man you need. I’m not going to go home with you and let you introduce me at faculty teas. This is why I left the first time. I was selfish. I knew I couldn’t be what you needed and I took you anyway.”

  Her arms tightened around him. “Then you owe me. You stole my virginity and no man since has been enough. So give me this couple of weeks to get you out of my system. I’m not going to cry at the end and beg you to stay with me. I’ll live my life. But I do want this. I liked what we did up until you were a total ass. It was more erotic than anything I’ve done in my life and that includes that night with you. I want to explore this.”

  She was killing him. He turned and finally did what came naturally. He pulled her into his arms. “I did not mean to be a massive ass.”

  She chuckled against him as she squeezed him tight. “All right then. We’re agreed. We’re going to have fun and when it’s over we’re going to be good friends, you and I.”

  There were tears in her eyes as she tilted her head to look up at
him.

  “I missed you. God, how I missed you.” She’d been a hole inside him and only now could he see it. For years she’d been a friend, maybe his only real friend. He’d ruined it all. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Good because I don’t want to hurt you either,” she replied, not seeming to care that she had tears streaming down her cheeks.

  His cell phone buzzed. He knew who it was. “Damn it, it’s Walter. I have to go.”

  She took a step back. “All right, then. I’ll see you when you get back.”

  He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You’ll get ready for tonight. We’ll go downstairs and explore a bit and, dushka, I promise to make up for being a massive coward ass. I’m sorry. Get dressed and find Charlotte and tell her I apologize and that she should dress you properly. I’ll have Damon draw up a simple contract. You have full run of the building, but please be careful. I don’t want you going out.”

  She leaned in again, cuddling against his chest. “I won’t. And don’t do that again. Don’t make me feel small. I can handle a lot. If you had told me you were feeling too much, I would have backed off and given you some space, but I can’t handle you making me feel small. I won’t do it to you.”

  How often in his life had he felt small? So many times. “I promise.”

  His phone buzzed again and he groaned. He’d been so ready to run out of here and now he hated to leave her.

  She stepped away. “Go. Do your job. I’m probably going to masturbate.”

  She should have railed at him, thrown things at him. There should have been a massive fight.

  She’d shown him grace and kindness. She’d made him laugh.

  “Do all you wish now, dushka.” The idea that she might touch herself and think of him made his cock twitch again. No one in the world had ever made him feel as young as this woman. Like a horny teen. “Once I have you under contract, that pussy is going to belong to me. I’ll take better care of it than I did this afternoon.”

  He leaned over and kissed her one more time before he turned and strode out.

  He might not deserve her, but he was going to make sure she got everything she needed out of their contract. Beginning with him figuring out what kind of mess she was in.

  Chapter Eight

  “Ah, you’re here.”

  Nick sighed as he walked into Walt’s office. Office was a nominal word. It was more of a laboratory, complete with blacked out windows because apparently sunlight could ruin his experiments. Walt had taken a large part of the east wing’s fourth floor and turned it into a large open office with everything from a massive refrigerator to store some of his experiments, to long, industrial-looking desks with a bunch of science stuff Nick had no idea what to do with.

  Walter Bennett sat at a microscope wearing his normal uniform of jeans and a snarky T-shirt. This one proudly proclaimed that the sloth was his spirit animal. Which was insane because Walt had plenty of energy. He simply used it in a different way.

  The Garden’s mad professor.

  “I’m here. What have you found out?” He couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice despite the fact that he’d already accepted this was for the best. If he’d stayed with Hayley, he would be in bed with her and they wouldn’t have the contract they needed between them. He might utterly forget about everything but finding pleasure in her body, and this time around he was determined to give her more.

  “Oh, you sound touchy. Did we interrupt something?” Kayla walked around the massive medical fridge, carrying a couple of pairs of latex gloves.

  Which given Kay’s proclivities could mean anything, but she didn’t play with Walt. Lately she’d been partnering with a Dom outside the group who played in The Garden, but it didn’t seem serious.

  Walt looked up, frowning. “I thought they were fighting.”

  “I told you, mate. That kind of fight usually ends up in ripped clothes and someone shoved against a wall. Hello, Nick.” Brody Carter was sitting at his desk, the laptop light illuminating his face.

  Walt shook his head, turning on his stool. “See, now you’re reminding me of middle school.”

  “I’m not talking about bullies giving you a wedgie. Sex, Walt. They had sex,” Brody explained with a long sigh. “You’ll have to excuse him. His genius-level IQ sometimes misses the subtleties of life.”

  Like the big, brash Aussie knew anything about subtlety. “I think we should talk about whatever it is you’ve found. You’re the ones who texted me. Numerous times.”

  Kayla’s mouth dropped open and she handed Walt a pair of gloves. “Oh my god. You did have sex. Like now. Or at least you started to. Did we cock block you?”

  “I’m betting we did by the look on his face.” Brody sat back, winking Kayla’s way. “And by we, I mean they. I was willing to wait a couple of hours for you to calm down after the riot this morning. Bad business. You know those women don’t play and they stick together. You start trying to tie one down in a non-fun way and they will come after your balls.”

  “Yes, well, one would think since those women are all submissives that I would get some aid from their Doms.” Not that he wanted to get into this, but damn, he’d been left out in the cold. None of the Doms around the table had spoken up for him. They’d allowed the women to spout some of the foulest language he’d ever heard. And Charlotte had made sure he felt comfortable by cursing him in his own language.

  Walt pulled one of the gloves over his hand. “You won’t find help from that group, man. And I wasn’t about to get in Charlotte Taggart’s way. She scares me. I heard Big Tag ask Damon about popcorn. Apparently they both find it amusing when the chicks start in on a man. Another man, at least.”

  Maybe now the women would stop treating him like a monster. “Well, they will all be happy to know that I’ve told Hayley she can go to the club. She has my permission so you can all calm down.”

  Kayla gave him a smile that he was smart enough to know had nothing to do with amusement. “How nice of you to allow the little woman in. Your permission. Wow. Are you going to let her out of your flat for dinner, too? Should I apply for permission to speak with her?”

  He had to hold on to his patience. “I’ve given her run of the place as long as she doesn’t go outside. I believe she’s with Charlotte and Penny right now.”

  “All right. I’ll back off.” Kayla pulled gloves on as well, snapping them on her wrists. “Are you going to let her play? There’s no reason to let her in if you’re going to make her sit in a corner with her eyes closed. I can sponsor her if she wants to explore. I won’t put her with anyone who isn’t safe.”

  Oh, he needed to make a few things plain right now. “She won’t play with anyone but her Dom. We’re signing a contract this afternoon and I expect you to honor it.”

  “Pay up, Brody.” This time Kayla’s smile was vibrant and Nick knew he’d been had.

  When had he forgotten Kayla’s moves? There was never a situation she didn’t put her cute nose in.

  Brody’s head fell back with a groan. “Bloody hell. I’ve gotta get some cash. I was sure I was going to win that one. Couldn’t keep it in your pants for a full day, mate, could you?”

  “How about you keep out of my business?” Somehow betting on a person’s private life was far more fun when he wasn’t the one in question. He was well aware that if this bet had been about someone else, he would have wanted in on the action. “Or should we talk about why you’ve dodged the doctor’s calls?”

  Brody went a nice shade of red. “Ain’t been dodging her. I’m busy is all. Besides, she was only calling me because I was her contact here in Europe. She’s got in touch with Damon now. He’s making sure she’s all right. I believe he called in Ten Smith to help her out.”

  “What happened between the two of you?” Kayla proved his earlier point about her nosiness.

  “Don’t ask.” Walt frowned as he held up the necklace Hayley had been wearing earlier. “He won’t talk about it.”

  Br
ody stood up, his hands on his hips. “Because nothing happened. Nothing at all. She’s a nice lady. We got to be friends. That was all. I was her bloody bodyguard, not her lover. Unlike the rest of you, I don’t mess around on the job. She was a pro, too. Not all of us screw our clients. Sorry, Nick. I’m sure yours is totally different.”

  “Well, I have known her for ten years,” Nick allowed. “I have to admit I was surprised when the good doctor needed help and you didn’t go to her. You seemed to be more than friends.”

  Brody had worked a longer-term op roughly six months before. He’d gone undercover with a doctor in Africa and Nick had seen them together at one point. They’d looked an awful lot like a couple. The perpetually flirty Aussie had been more serious since he’d come home. Nick had attributed it to what had happened with Owen and being around a group of traumatized men, but now he had to wonder.

  “It isn’t that I don’t like her,” Brody continued. “She’s a good one, but I don’t think it’s smart to get involved in something that can only be long distance. I like my job. She likes hers. That’s the end of it. And that problem she had got taken care of. Ten Smith was close by. He dealt with the problem she had with her deliveries and according to him, everything’s been smooth sailing since. That was six months ago. She’s called since then, but apparently not on business, according to Damon. Just wanted a chat. I think it’s best we keep things professional. I had Damon tell her I wasn’t available and wouldn’t be in the future.”

  Kayla sat down next to Walter. “I think it’s sad. I had them married off in my mind.”

  “Yeah, you and Mum, but then she marries me off to every eligible female she meets. Some completely ineligible ones, too. Says my biological clock is going to explode or something. I tried to tell her it didn’t work that way for men, but she’s determined to get some grandkids.” Brody held up a hand. “How about we make a deal? I stop asking you about Hayley and you leave my love life alone. We’ll go back to being real men and have a beer and talk about football.”