Memento Mori Kobo Read online

  She and Ty and Lucy had gone to school together, taking the long bus ride each day to the Monte Vista school. They’d been the outcasts, huddled together to survive in the beginning. She’d always thought Ty and Lucy would get together, but they were still merely friends. River had drifted away from them over the last few years. Why had she done that? Matt had been good at separating her from her support system. “I appreciate that, but I’m fine. I spent some time with a tourist. Like I said, I won’t see him again.”

  Andy frowned. “Bad lay, huh?”

  He’d been spectacular. The man knew what he was doing. Her skin still tingled thinking about how he’d touched her. Like he was exploring something amazing for the first time. Like he couldn’t stop himself.

  You’re so soft.

  She needed to be hard. “It was definitely a mistake I won’t make again. I’ll hire a pro next time.” That was good. She would go super salty and pretend like she hadn’t woken up half in love with the man. “Now when are we meeting the production team? Are they serious about the pay? Because this is more than we would normally get for a couple of days’ worth of guided camping. What’s the catch?”

  She’d learned there was always a catch.

  Ty stared at her for a moment, like he wasn’t sure he should let the subject go, but he finally passed her a file folder and sat back. “They’re legit. They’ve done a lot of work with Canadian TV stations and a couple of documentaries specializing in how man is fucking up the environment.”

  “Have you watched any of them?” Film types always thought everyone should know their “work.” She’d had business dealings with several of them. Hollywood had come through a couple of times in the last ten years. Some had been easy to deal with. Others she’d kind of wished she could have left out in the wilderness.

  Andy snorted. “Hell, no. You know Ty can barely make it through a cartoon without falling asleep, and I’m not into documentaries. Now if they were doing a movie about an innocent pizza delivery boy who finds himself invited to a sleepover with three scantily clad sorority girls, I would be all in.”

  “I don’t think anyone’s going to be filming porn in the Rio Grande National Forest. I think they prefer valleys,” she quipped. She glanced down at the printouts. It looked like this production company wasn’t into the entertainment side of the business. They were known for visceral documentaries.

  “Heather watched a couple,” Ty said. “She thinks they do good work. Is there a reason she’s not here? Is she not going out with us?”

  She’d noticed Ty preferred to let Heather deal with setup, but he would have to handle it today. “She’ll back me up, but she’s got a family issue to deal with.”

  Andy shook his head. “I thought she was an only child and her parents were out of the picture.”

  She wasn’t going to blame Heather for keeping quiet about family issues. She herself should have been way quieter. “Apparently she’s got a brother and he’s a handful, so I need you to help me take notes. We’ll have to use some of the down payment to get new equipment. They’re not coming in with anything except their production stuff. The good news is it looks like they work light.”

  Ty nodded. “They want to go in two-man crews. Basically a cameraman and a producer. That’s far easier than a pack of ten of them. And it’s good, too, because this is some delicate land. I don’t want to piss off the rangers by hiking a massive group through there.”

  She sat back, looking at her two employees thoughtfully. “We need this job, guys. We might be able to get back on our feet sooner than I thought. I would love to be able to equip for winter.”

  “If we’ve got the right equipment, I know the owner of the ski lodge I work at would let you do signups.” Ty seemed eager to do anything he could to help.

  Was there a way she could save her cabin? She hadn’t actually put it on the market yet. If this job paid and she didn’t spend a dime on herself, she might be able to scrape by this winter and put off the decision about the cabin.

  A bell chimed, signaling someone had walked into the building. She glanced up and Nate Wright walked in, followed by the man she’d seen walking out of his offices the day before. Fain, he’d called himself. Ezra Fain. It was good to know Nate was on her side. Apparently he was the one who’d gotten her the job or he wouldn’t be here with the crew. A massive blond god of a man wearing aviators strode in behind them.

  Not that she hadn’t learned her lesson about gorgeous men. He might be nice to look at, but this was nothing more than a job. At least both men looked fit and ready to spend some time hiking.

  “How does Henry Flanders fit into this?” Andy had turned, too, staring at the group as they filed in. Henry was speaking to the Nordic god.

  Ty shrugged. “No idea. You know there’s a rumor out there now that Henry used to be some kind of cop, right? I have a hard time seeing that.”

  She couldn’t see it either. Henry Flanders was a pacifist. She could maybe see him trying to change an attacker’s mind with a thorough discourse about the nature of good, but she couldn’t imagine the man hurting someone. “I think that’s a rumor. Like Mel’s aliens. I’m sure Henry’s with them because they’re environmentalist documentarians. Nell likely had a hand in this, too. You know her roots go deep in that community. We should go out and greet them. We can use the planning room. I’d like to know where they’re going to want to film and if they’ve got all the proper permits.”

  The last thing she needed was to get in trouble with the park rangers.

  “I checked their permits myself,” Ty explained, opening the door and letting River walk through.

  Henry was the first to turn and greet them. “River, I wanted to introduce you to Ezra Fain. He’s the head of the team. We also brought out our lead and secondary producers. This is Robert McClellan, who’ll head the second team, and Jax Seaborne is in charge when you’re in the field.”

  She stopped, the whole room going cold. She willed herself to wake up because this couldn’t possibly be happening to her. He wasn’t standing there looking at her with those gorgeous puppy dog eyes. Lying eyes. He’d told her he worked security. If she’d thought for a second he was with the film crew, she would have gone home alone. She wouldn’t have had a one-night stand with someone who might employ her at some point.

  Of course, she also had promised to stop sleeping with liars and thieves, and that hadn’t worked out for her.

  “River, it’s good to see you. Could we talk privately for a moment?” Jax stepped up to her, a look of concern on his incredibly handsome face. His voice went low. “I’d like a chance to explain.”

  She bet he would. “I’m sorry, gentlemen. Ty spoke too soon. We’re booked up for the rest of the season.”

  “No, we’re not,” Andy said, scratching his head in confusion as he looked around as though trying to assess the situation.

  Ty stepped up beside her and it was obvious he’d figured out something was wrong. “It was entirely my mistake. I didn’t check the calendar.”

  The blond hottie in the back groaned. “Can we skip all the posturing? Jax fucked up and pissed you off, and how much is it going to cost to get you to deal with him? You should charge the fuck out of us because he’s going to be obnoxious as hell since I sent his brother to force him out of your bed, and he’s been pissy about it ever since. He’s crazy about you, and by crazy I mean mentally unstable.”

  Jax frowned at the man. “Really? You’re going that way?”

  “After the night I had, I got nothing but honesty,” he said. “I also invested heavily in Adam’s new company and they just made a shit ton of cash, so I need the write-off, man. Believe me, I usually go with the lowest bid, but this was a lot of money. I slapped Adam upside the head enough times over the years to make him really smart. I can give the money to the IRS or to the nice lady who might save you from wildlife.”

  She hated feeling like the butt of the joke. It was obvious they all knew about the night before. Had Ja
x gone around getting high-fives from all his friends? Had they laughed about it until they’d found out she was the guide? “I’m sorry. I can’t do the job.”

  What amount of money was worth her pride? God, she had so little of that left. Shouldn’t she protect the tiny bit that was still hers?

  Andy was frowning. “I thought we needed this job.”

  Ty sent him a look that should have singed him. “We don’t.”

  Nate stepped up. “I don’t know what happened, but we should talk because I think this could be good for you.”

  Jax pushed past him. “Please let me talk to you, River.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” she offered. “It’s simply a scheduling problem.”

  No one would believe it, but she wouldn’t see them again after today. She would stay out of Bliss for a while, too. She would definitely sell the cabin. Maybe it was time to pull up stakes and move. She didn’t seem to have much luck here anymore.

  Henry pulled a notebook out of his jacket pocket and grabbed a pen from one of the counter tops. He jotted something down and passed her the paper. “Ask for this.”

  She glanced down and her heart threatened to stop. There was a crazy large number on that piece of paper. “Are you serious?”

  Ezra took the note from her hand and nodded. “You got it. Do you want a check or a wire transfer?”

  Six figures. More money than her cabin would ever bring in. Definitely more money than her pride was worth. “I’ll take the wire transfer.”

  Even Ty was nodding. He’d seen the number on that piece of paper. “Yep, I think that solves our scheduling issues. Let’s take this into the conference room.”

  Her stomach twisted but she had to stay cool. Jax was nothing but a regret and she had a job to do. “Gentlemen, if you’ll follow Ty. We’ll get this thing started.”

  They all moved into the small planning room, but Jax held back.

  Andy was a looming presence at her side, but she had to deal with this now. If she was going to take all that pretty money, she had to deal with the reason she was getting it. “I’m fine. Could you give us a moment?”

  Andy stared at Jax. “Are you sure?”

  “I am. Go and start mapping out some of the production sites for me.” She needed to set down a few ground rules. He might not have planned on ever seeing her again, but he would have to now. Perhaps they could come to a mutually agreed upon plan for survival.

  The door closed behind Andy and she was alone with Jax.

  “I didn’t want to leave you last night.”

  Sure he didn’t. “It’s fine. It was a one-night stand. There’s a reason it’s called one night and not one night and half the next day. Now do you want to join the rest of them so we can get down to business? I’m going to assume since you’re here that you feel like you can be professional around me.”

  “Not at all,” he replied. “But I’m not all that professional in the first place. River, I didn’t want to leave you.”

  “And yet you managed it brilliantly.” The bitter words came from her mouth before she could force them down. She shook it off, hoping she had a professional smile on her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be sarcastic. Like I said before, I was having a rough night and I did something out of character. You saved me the embarrassment of waking up with a stranger in my bed.”

  Except he hadn’t felt like a stranger. Being with Jax had felt natural, like something had finally gone right and she was home again. Something had eased inside her, that tight place she’d had since the day her world had fallen apart. For that whole night she hadn’t thought about anything except him, except how good he made her feel. For the first time in forever, she’d felt like she could breathe.

  He went still, his gorgeous face falling. “Why would you be embarrassed?”

  Because she’d gotten taken again. Because she’d been stupid enough to believe his act. “Like I told you last night, it’s not something I do often. I’ve never actually done it. I got emotional when I shouldn’t have. I woke up this morning and I was happy I didn’t have to face you.”

  “I woke up this morning in a panic because I wasn’t with you.”

  He said the weirdest things. He was trying the socially awkward hot guy thing on her again. She couldn’t let it work. She couldn’t do what she wanted to and reach out to him. “It’s all done now.”

  His hands were fists at his sides. “I don’t want it to be over. I don’t understand. I know I screwed up. I get that. I said I was going to stay and then I didn’t, but that wasn’t my fault.”

  She couldn’t help but ask the question. “Oh, really? Did someone show up and drug you and drag you out?”

  He seemed to struggle with that. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

  She wouldn’t believe him if he told her the sky was blue. “Nope. And again, it doesn’t matter because we’re going to put it behind us and move on.”

  His eyes were steady on hers, like he worried if he blinked she would disappear. “I don’t think I can.”

  She had to lay it all on the line for him. “Then we need to find another guide. I’m not falling for this again, Jax. I’m not stupid. I know you went through my purse before you left. Now I’m not sure why. Do you roll people for cash for fun? Because it seems like you have a pretty nice job. A job you lied about.”

  His eyes widened. “I didn’t do that. I swear I didn’t. River, I’m not like that. I know I lied about my job, but there’s a reason for that. I absolutely didn’t touch your purse. I…I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  She shrugged. “You didn’t. It’s all good.”

  “It doesn’t feel that way.” He carefully measured his words, each one coming out in a calm but confused tone. “I’m not good at this, but even I can tell your words and your expression don’t match. You want me to think you’re cool, but you’re mad at me. You’re so angry with me.”

  She was angry about a lot of things. “No matter how I feel, I can be professional. Do you want to tell me about the sites you want to shoot at? I was told this is a documentary.”

  He moved in. “I want to talk about us.”

  She took a quick step back, unwilling to let him get a hand on her. “I’m done talking about us. There is no us and I’ve told you that several times now. If you keep asking me, I’m going to assume you’re harassing me.”

  “And I’m not supposed to do that.” He looked so fucking lost, like he didn’t know how to go on. “I’m sorry. I wanted to wake up with you. I loved our night together. It was the single best night of my life.”

  “Sure it was.”

  He stepped back, his shoulders slumped. “If you had any concept of what my life is like, you wouldn’t question it. If there had been any way for me to stay with you, I would have. I’ll behave any way you would like me to from here on out. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. This op is important to all of us. I’ve been working on it for as long as I can remember, but I’ll let my brother handle it.”

  Something about the way he’d moved away from her made her change her mind. She knew she should take any out she could get with him, but the almost shame that had come over him gutted her. And the fact that she was going to make a fortune off this job. “I’m fine working with you as long as you understand the boundaries. We’ll be out there alone some of the time. I’m not going to sleep with you again.”

  He nodded but didn’t look at her. “All right. Like I said, I’ll behave however you like.”

  “Then let’s join the others and get started.” She moved toward the door. It was better this way. She wasn’t sure she could stand there with him another minute without losing her damn mind and reaching out for him.

  When she got to the door, he rushed by her, opening it for her, his eyes meeting hers. She could have sworn there was pain in those gorgeous orbs.

  She pushed the thought aside. She wasn’t going to think about his weird, beautiful self again. But as she sat down at the head of the tab
le, she couldn’t help but wonder what the hell he’d meant when he’d called this job an “op.”

  She wasn’t going to look his way. Even when he was the one talking, she would pointedly open the folder and brush through the pages, keeping her eyes on anything but him. It was easier that way. She was still trying to find a way out. The money was incredible, but she worried if she actually went out into the forest with him, she’d screw up all over again.

  Because even though he’d lied to her, he was still the single most delicious man she’d ever set eyes on.

  “We’ve got two basic tracts we want to search,” he said, passing out the folders. “I’ve included maps and the grid pattern we’ll use if River thinks it’s a workable solution. You’ll note that they’re both deep in the forest. They’re off the beaten track. We’ll need to take along everything we need to survive for the days we’ll be in there. We can take a Jeep part way, but then the terrain is such that we have to go by foot or helo.”

  Helicopter? He used a surprisingly militaristic vocabulary for a film producer. “I would prefer not to use a helicopter. First off, we don’t have a lot of them out here. They’re mostly used for search and rescue. We would have to borrow one or at least use their landing sites.”

  “We’ve already discussed and discarded the idea of choppers,” Fain said. “Too much attention. We want to keep this low key.”

  She frowned as she looked over the map, her mind putting the land into the right places. “A couple of these places are no-gos. This is all public land, but not every acre is usable by the public. There are places in the Rio Grande Forest where camping isn’t allowed. You seemed to have found most of them. We can’t even hike through some of this.”

  There might still be a way out. If they couldn’t get into the place they were trying to film, there was nothing she could do about it. She wasn’t going to break the law.