Love Another Day Page 13

  She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Your ancestors fought kangaroos?”

  “Some people think that’s what went wrong with our brains,” he said.

  Nate giggled around the nipple in his mouth.

  “That’s right, little fella. Your nanna put a right stop to that. She told me and your uncle that she wasn’t going to stand for none of that kind of roughhousing. She’s a lady, she is.” At least she’d always seemed that way to him. He looked up at Steph. “Not that anyone else would think that. My mum ain’t the kind to wear nice dresses and stuff. She had a station to run, but she always made sure that our bellies got fed and that we went to church every Sunday all clean like. So she’s always a lady in my mind.”

  “She sounds like a lovely lady,” Steph replied. “I’d like to meet her someday. Well, as long as the kangaroos won’t attack.”

  “Nah, they’re all right. For the most part you leave them alone and they’ll let you alone. And the snakes and spiders are way overblown. Again, you leave them alone and you’ll be fine.”

  “And the crocs?”

  He snorted. “I’m talking the Outback, luv. Two kinds of crocs in Australia. The saltwater crocs are the dangerous ones and they’re not in the Outback. We’ve got a couple of freshies in what little water you can find, but they’re small and shy. One brushes up against you in the billabong and you give that old boy a good punch on the snout and he’ll slink away. Hell, my brother and I named the one in the river that ran through the back acreage of our station.”

  “That is disappointing. I thought Australia was super deadly.”

  “The sun’ll get you,” he said, turning his attention back to his son. “So will the quiet sometimes. Being isolated like that, well, it works for some, makes others mean. The heat can make a man crazy. One of the best things I’ve done since joining up with McKay-Taggart is being able to buy my mum a reliable air conditioner. Had to talk her into it though. She was sure it would make her soft.”

  “Why did you leave? You didn’t want to work on a station?”

  “By then she’d sold off most of the land. She doesn’t make her money that way anymore. She married a man who worked with a mineral company. He had stock in the damn thing and made a mint when they hit natural gas. She’d been working to feed and clothe us all by herself since I was six or seven.” That was when his mum had enough. He wasn’t sure why she’d done it, what had broken her resolve to keep them together despite the fact that his dad had been a piece of shit. He suspected that dear old dad had threatened something Mum had loved far more than her husband. He wasn’t sure, but one day his father had been gone and a year and a half later, the police had shown up to inform his mum that Dad had been killed in a bar fight in Coober Pedy. “My biological dad was a worthless bum who beat the shit out of me and Harry but saved the best for my mum. My stepdad is a vast improvement. He’s a really good man.”

  His mother had wept when his dad had left, but he rather thought they’d been tears of relief.

  It’ll be all right, Mum. I can help.

  Oh, we’ll be all right, my lovie. Don’t you doubt that and don’t think we need him for a moment. You’ll be a better man without him around.

  Did Steph feel the same way about him?

  “I’m sorry about your dad, but it’s good your mom found someone new. I wish mine had. I was close to mine for a long time and then we kind of drifted apart,” she admitted. “My mom died a few years back. I don’t talk to my dad anymore.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I made a mistake back in high school,” she said, her eyes on the ground.

  He knew her story. He’d been given background on her and her association with Avery and Liam O’Donnell. “That was an accident. No father should drop his baby girl because she makes a mistake.”

  “It was a big mistake.”

  “Ain’t no mistake that big. You tell me if there is anything this boy could do that would make you turn from him. I just met him and I can tell you I’ll stand by him for the rest of his life. He might disappoint me, but he’s my boy. He’s mine and that means I will be at his side even if the worst happens.”

  She looked up finally, tears in her eyes. “I won’t leave him either. Not for any reason.”

  “Yeah, I think you and my mum will get on just fine.” He rocked and Nate’s eyes were starting to close.

  “I’m tired, Brody. I think I’ll get dressed and go to bed. I’ll be out in a minute to put him down.”

  “I can handle it. You take a nice long shower. I’ve got the boy. And I’ll take the couch.”

  She stood up. “It’s fine. It’s a king-size bed. I’m sure we’ll survive one night. And thanks for telling me about your mom. I know you don’t like to talk about the past.”

  “All that’s changed now,” he told her. “Anything you want to know, I’ll talk.”

  “Brody,” she began.

  “No. No matter what happens between us, we have to be friends, and I didn’t treat you like a friend back then.”

  “It felt like friendship.”

  “It was more but I was too stupid to see it. No more talk. Go and relax. We’ll get a good night’s sleep and things will look up in the morning. That’s what Mum used to say. I’m not calling her now because they could be monitoring us, but I hope you’ll let me send her pictures when this is over.”

  “Of course.” She glanced at the bathroom. “If you’re okay taking care of him, maybe I could take a bath. It’s been a long time since I had access to a tub, much less one the size of a small pool. I wish I was married to Serena.”

  He smiled at that. And got hot at the idea of her in that tub. “Go on then, luv. Take as long as you like. We’ll be fine out here.”

  She leaned over and kissed Nate’s head then disappeared into the bathroom.

  A sense of peace came over Brody, unlike anything he’d felt before. It was settled. He was a dad and now he knew he had work to do. Why had he avoided this all his life? This boy in his arms gave him purpose and meaning he hadn’t found before.

  There was only one thing wrong now.

  “Your mother thinks we’re going to be friends, but I’ve got a secret for you, son.” He gently pulled the bottle out of Nate’s mouth since his whole body had gone slack with sleep. “We’re going to be a family. She’s going to marry me, and I finally know what to do with my life. Make her happy. Some people, they have great callings. Like your mum. She’s a special person and I thought that meant she needed another special person to be with her. But I can see that was wrong. Two people with great callings have to focus on their callings, on their careers or work. But with me, well, she’ll be the reason I’m special and I’ll make sure she has everything she needs. What she needs is a dumb grunt who loves her so much he’s willing to give everything to her and their family. I promise you, Nathan. By the end of this, we’re all going to be together.”

  Or he would die trying.

  He thought briefly about putting the baby in his crib and trying to get a bit of work done, but it felt better to sit, to rock with his son in his arms.

  For the first time in forever, he knew what peace meant.

  Chapter Seven

  Steph breathed in the warm air, steam rising from the tub as she lay back. The Dean-Miles clan knew how to take care of themselves and their guests.

  So warm. How long had it been since heat had sank deliciously into her skin? Since she could take a moment to indulge in something as simple as a bath? Far too long. She didn’t indulge. At first it was because she didn’t feel as if she deserved indulgence of any kind, and then medical school trained it out of her. It had become habit to work and work and sleep and work.

  Then she’d had Nate and the world seemed to slow down, to become softer and harder at the same time. Her personal world had become one of stolen moments with her son. Those beautiful moments when she looked at him and everything seemed fresh and new.

  But then she would look outward and real
ize the world would come for him and she was afraid.

  She wiped a tear away and took another breath, letting the sound of the rocking chair creaking lull her. As long as that chair was rocking, Brody was here with their baby, and he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Nate.

  She closed her eyes and relaxed because she wasn’t alone for once.

  She would rest for a minute and then get going. Maybe the superhot water would help her sleep. Maybe not being the only one responsible for Nate would do the same.

  She relaxed and found herself in a different world.

  Driving, her hands on the wheel, music in the background. Just a few more months and high school would be done. No more teachers. No more books…until college, of course, but that felt like Disney World.

  She yawns, the lateness of the hour pressing in on her. She knows she should have left that stupid party hours before but Kyle had been there and he’d brought her a beer. She didn’t like the taste, but he’d been so insistent that she’d found herself slowly drinking it down.

  She’d liked the taste more when it had been on his lips. She feels her whole body flush. He’d kissed her. Not the first time, of course. She’s been kissed before, but this was different. This had sent a forbidden thrill through her system.

  Like the big guy. Big gorgeous Aussie with hands that could cover her whole breast.

  No. That was wrong. He wasn’t here.

  She’s driving and she’s young. Whole life ahead of her. Wasn’t that what that light ahead meant?

  The light, so bright she’s momentarily blinded, and then she’s flying. The car her dad had fixed up for her sixteenth birthday wasn’t supposed to fly, but here she was. A flash of light, a scream of metal.

  Somewhere in the distance she heard crying. Wailing.

  A mother’s loss. A wife’s pain.

  Pain. Yes, she felt it flashing through her. This was what she deserved. This was why she’d been born. To ache. To hurt.

  She tips the bottle back. She paid some asshole older guy to buy it for her. Naturally he wanted more than cash and that shame was on her, too. It doesn’t matter. There are no more Kyles with sweet kisses that end in promises of dates. There is no more future, nothing beyond the harsh burn of cheap vodka that dulls the sound of those sympathetic voices.

  The angry ones she can handle. The yelling, the name calling, they all feel like home to her now. It’s her mother’s voice telling her it wasn’t her fault that makes her sick.

  If it wasn’t her fault, then there was no meaning to be had. If it was, then she knew what to do. Punish herself since no one else would.

  She looks at the knives in her mother’s kitchen but that would be far too easy. Somewhere across town there’s another woman and she’s lying in bed, her legs useless because an idiot kid should have left the party an hour before.

  She can’t end her own suffering while Avery Charles is still in pain.

  I don’t recognize you anymore. I can’t look at you. Where is my little girl?

  Can’t he see she’s buried under three tons of guilt and keeps piling it on because it won’t ever be enough? There is no redemption. None.

  Her father walks out and she knows that it’s right and good and she thinks about how she can hurt herself tonight.

  A warm hand encloses hers. It’s only for the mission. It’s their cover, but her heart still skips a beat the minute he touches her. She does good now. She’s found her mission, her purpose.

  Does it make up for the wrong she’s done? His hand squeezing hers feels like a gift she’d never expected. Brody. Even his name is masculine.

  Would it be different with him? Would she feel clean? Or would it be one more way to degrade herself?

  The baby’s coming. Yes, this pain was deserved because she’d been stupid enough to think she could steal a moment’s pleasure. Stupid enough to think the punishment was over. She screams and wishes she’d never put on that ridiculous gown and tried to seduce Brody Carter into staying with her. There is no fooling herself in this place. As the pain wracks through her body, threatening to split her in two, she knows she’s lied to herself, to him. She loves him. She wants him.

  This is her punishment, to know he can’t love her back.

  And then she holds him. Not the father. No. She won’t hold the father again. He is lost to her, a silent figure, but the son isn’t silent.

  He blinks open his eyes and she finds her purpose.

  I am going to gut that kid of yours. Do you understand me, girl? I’ll do it in front of you if you don’t get what I need out of that fucker.

  “Steph?”

  Cold air shocked her, her whole body shaking. Nate. He was going to kill her son and she didn’t even understand what was going on. Terror flooded her system. She wouldn’t be able to save him.

  “Nate,” she said, but it came out as a whisper, her voice hoarse as though she’d been screaming and couldn’t do it anymore.

  “He’s fine. He’s all right.”

  The dream had her in a fog. Why was she wet? And naked. She was naked and Brody was lifting her up.

  He held her close. “Hush, luv. You’re going to wake the baby and have every bodyguard in the area running in here. I don’t want to have to punch the men we’re paying to keep us safe so stop fighting me. It was only a dream.”

  A dream. A waltz through Hell was more like it.

  What would he think if he knew the things she’d done? How she’d punished herself, tried to obliterate herself? Would he think he wasn’t good enough for her then? Or would he look at her like her father had? Would he figure out she was nothing but a piece of garbage to sweep under the rug and out of his life?

  “Come on. You’re shaking. Can you stand?”

  He was holding her and getting soaking wet. She was making a fool of herself. She slowly nodded, trying to get her mind off that terrible dream. She could still feel the wretched heat coming off the boss’s body as he’d leaned in and explained how he would kill her precious baby if she didn’t perform. She could smell the acrid scent of the cigar he’d smoked the whole time he was there.

  Cool tile steadied her as Brody eased her down. She covered her breasts, wrapping her arms around her body in an attempt at modesty.

  Brody stepped away for a moment and she was left shivering with the memory of how that man had stormed into her clinic, brandishing guns and knives and threatening everything she held dear if she didn’t help him.

  “He told me I had to get him what he wanted,” she said quietly.

  Brody came back, a big, fluffy towel in his hands. He wrapped it around her, his arms following and pulling her back to the comfort of his body. “Did he say what he wanted?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t know. Maybe, but I don’t remember right now. I think Taggart’s right and I need someone to walk me through it. God, Brody, I want to forget.”

  “I know, but you have to remember. Not tonight though. Tonight you need sleep. Try not to think about it.”

  How the hell was she going to do that? She couldn’t get the vision out of her head.

  “You’re fine now.” He held her tight, his voice whispering against her ear. “You’re safe and here with me and Nate’s sleeping. We’re all safe. No need to be afraid.”

  She loved how strong he was, the way his arms seemed to cage her in the most delicious way. There was safety in that sweet cage.

  But she had to remember that he’d made his choice long ago.

  “I’m all right. I’ll get dressed now. Thank you for waking me up.” She made the words as polite as possible.

  “You could have drowned.”

  That was a bit of a stretch since her hair wasn’t even wet. “I’m good now. Like you said it was nothing more than a dream.”

  “I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered.

  Would it be so bad to let him kiss her? To spend another night in his arms? Maybe if she let Brody make love to her, she wouldn’t think about that terrible
dream. Maybe he could tire her out and then she could sleep.

  She knew it was wrong and there was a part of her that wondered if this wasn’t another sick way to punish herself more. She wasn’t planning on a life with Brody. He could be in Nate’s life and not truly in hers. But maybe she could let herself have one more night with him.

  “What if you didn’t?”

  She felt him go still behind her. What if he’d been joking? What if those words had been nothing more than a way to try to make her feel better about herself, and now he was going to turn her down again?

  A sick feeling lit the pit of her stomach as she waited for him to let her go.

  Then she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head, his hands moving to turn her around. “You won’t regret this, Stephanie. I promise. It won’t be like last time. Last time I was quick and rough and I didn’t give you what you needed.”

  She let him turn her, staring up at the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. “I got an orgasm, as I recall. A few of them. I think that was what I needed.”

  “Tell me you didn’t want D/s sex.” He was staring down at her, but there was no hesitation in those warm eyes now. His hands came up to cup her cheeks. “Don’t lie to me. I’ll know if you lie to me and it won’t go well.”

  Wow. There it was. There was that dark, deep voice he used when he wanted to get something done. When he needed her to obey him while they were in the field, he would turn that rich-as-honey voice on her and she would find herself nodding and doing what he told her to.

  But she wasn’t going to open herself up that much. She couldn’t, not when she knew that tomorrow morning they would be back to caution. “I read too many of Serena’s books. That’s why I did what I did. It’s okay. The sex was great.”

  It had been the best sex she’d ever had. Since the majority of sex she’d had before hadn’t been about finding pleasure. It had been about escaping, and she hadn’t cared if she felt anything at all. Sex had been dirty, but then she’d been dirty, too.