For His Eyes Only Page 13
He stopped and turned, the dark look on his face nearly making her call back her words. “Oh, but you practically are a virgin, dushka. You have no idea what you would see down there. You certainly have no idea what would happen to you if you walked into that dungeon without a collar around your pretty neck. Is that what you want? Do you want men fighting over you? Do you think that will make you feel like a woman? Yes, perhaps it would. You could put on a corset that showed off your lovely breasts and a tiny thong that would neatly split the cheeks of your ass. You could walk around and know that every Dom in the room wants you. Know that every single one wants to be the man fucking you tonight. And you can turn them all down or worse. You could play with them. Would that make you feel better? Would that give you more confidence? You could take Robert’s boys and make them sweat, select one and let him think he’s special. Let him think he’s the only one you really want and then let him see you with the others. Put him in his place. Is that the kind of game you want to play? It won’t go well for you.”
Tears sparked in her eyes as she realized what she was listening to. She’d walked into Nick’s office and had only thought about how it affected her. She hadn’t thought about all the feelings it could bring up in him. She certainly hadn’t thought that they wouldn’t necessarily be about her. Desiree was still there. She was still firmly between them, but Hayley wondered now how friendly that ghost was. What the hell had been in that letter from Desiree to Nick? What had she said to put him in this mood? “Oh, Nicky, if she did that to you, she was so wrong. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I only wanted to explore the place. I wanted to understand why it means so much to you. I’m not her.”
He frowned, shaking his head as though she was speaking some kind of foreign language. “Not her. I wasn’t… Don’t read into things. Is this what they teach you in that ivory tower you live in? Don’t psychoanalyze me, Hayley. You won’t like what you find.”
“I’m trying to be civil. I’m trying to be kind. You’re making that difficult for me. That’s why it’s best that I leave. My being here upsets you.”
He moved into her space, his massive body a reminder of how small the hallway was. “Everything about you upsets me. Do you think that will change if you’re two doors away? Do you think that will magically disappear if I walk into my club and you’re there sitting at another man’s feet?”
Something was happening. She could feel the air crackling between them, but it wasn’t like before. Before there had been sweetness and affection, and she couldn’t feel anything like that now. No. This wasn’t love and comfort. What rolled off Nick was pure lust.
She needed to walk away. Hell, she should run. He wasn’t the lover she remembered, the one who’d carefully taken her virginity. This was the Dom and he was hungry, and if she let him he would eat her alive.
“I told you why I wanted to go. I was curious and I wanted to learn something about you.” She could barely breathe. He was so close she could feel the warmth of his body.
“Learn not to push me.” He took a step back.
That deeply disappointed her. It wasn’t sane, but it was true. “But it’s okay for you to push me. It’s okay for you to order me around like some submissive. All the orders and obedience. None of the pleasure. I think I’ll pass. I’m going to speak with Mr. Taggart. He said he owed Des. I was stupid to come here. I’ll go back to Dallas with them and then you don’t have to worry about my upsetting you ever again. Consider the debt paid, Nicky. Until I can leave, I’ll stay out of your way.”
She turned to go. If he wanted to be a massive asshole, she could walk away.
Her hand was almost on the door when she was whirled around, the breath fleeing from her chest as she thudded against him.
He held her arms, the pressure almost to the point of pain. “I told you, you’re not going anywhere, but it’s clear to me you need more than words. You say you’re doing this so we’ll be comfortable?”
Her whole body warmed, nipples hardening. Her body didn’t give a shit that he was oozing danger. All it could sense was the fact that he was also oozing sex. Her heart could read the signs. There was no way this turned out well, but her heart wasn’t screaming as loud as her damn pussy. “I told you my reasons. You can’t want to sleep on the floor. You won’t sleep with me. You know there’s enough room. Or I could be comfy on the couch.”
“Too close. The couch is far too close for my comfort, but then I’m beginning to understand that there might not be a way out of this.” His hand moved up, fisting in her hair as he tugged lightly.
“Please, Nick.” She hated the whine in her voice, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Now that she was here, she wanted him. She shouldn’t. It was wrong and foolish and she simply didn’t care. She put her hands on his waist, letting her body cradle to his. “I want to know. I want to know if it was all an illusion or if it was every bit as good as I remember. I think about it every night.”
“You were always reckless. Always. Whatever happens now, it’s not my fault. You forced us into this, dushka. You will have to pay the price.”
His mouth came down on hers and she forgot about everything but the way he made her feel.
Chapter Seven
Nick knew it was a horrible mistake, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was on the edge and her soft, breathy words had sent him right over it.
It had been a day to test his limits. No one seemed to understand that he was trying to keep her safe. Safe from the outside forces, but also safe from him. Safe from this.
God, he’d wanted to keep her safe from this.
His mouth found hers, drawn like a magnet to her pillowy lips. Like everything about Hayley, her lips were soft and sugar sweet. So fucking sweet. Years and experience couldn’t change how it felt to drag her against his body and put his mouth on hers. Right. It felt right.
He let his hands sink into the silk of her hair and used it ruthlessly to control her. Yes, that was what he needed. Control. Even as his cock started to swell, his mind was still working to justify his actions. He was bad for her, but wasn’t it worse to let her get into more trouble? That’s what would come from allowing her to have her way. Lots of trouble.
It was better this way. Yes, this was how he would protect her. Control her with sex. Give her what she needed in bed in return for obedience.
Control. That was the key.
Control. Damn it. He needed some.
Her hands ran up his sides. “Please, Nick. I need you. This is what we should have done in the first place. I never stopped wanting you.”
He’d never stopped thinking about her. Even as he’d slept with her cousin. It was so fucked up, and that was one more reason to step away from her, but her tongue came out, running over his bottom lip. Pure fire licked along his flesh and he knew he wasn’t going to stop. He was going to have her no matter the cost.
He slammed his mouth over hers, demanding entrance. She clutched him, opening up for him. Heat pulsed through his system and he was done thinking. Done worrying. Done ignoring his instincts. She was right. They’d been foolish to think for a second that they could be on the same continent and not have it come to this.
He’d forgotten. After all these years, his brain had turned that night into something purely emotional. He’d forgotten how much he’d needed her, how deep the ache to have her went.
He’d never wanted anyone the way he did Hayley. Not anyone.
“I want to see you.” He moved his hands down, skimming over her clothes to find the hem of her shirt. “I want you naked.”
He stood back, though being apart from her made him ache. He tossed the shirt aside. He’d bought her clothes and some underwear, though he’d ignored his impulse to buy her frilly, silky lingerie. He’d stood in the middle of Harrod’s and touched the La Perla lingerie and seen her in it. And he’d walked away because he’d had some sense back then.
He didn’t have it now. Now lingerie seemed unnecessary. Naked was all he ne
eded.
Her skin had flushed to a pretty pink, but she didn’t hesitate. Her arms went behind her and she twisted until her bra came off. She tossed it aside and her breasts bounced free. Gorgeous, round breasts with pretty pink nipples. Not tiny nipples. Nice sized. The kind he could play with and suck and bite. The kind that he could use to make her whimper and moan and beg him to stop and not stop. Beg him to continue to lave her with his tongue and teeth and then spread her legs and fuck her hard.
He reached out and placed a hand on her breast. Her head fell back.
“I can’t be gentle this time.” He thought he should warn her, though he wasn’t sure what he would do if she protested. He wasn’t sure at this point that he could let her go.
“I want you, Nicky. I want the real you.”
He cupped both breasts, feeling how soft they were, the silky texture of her skin, before rolling her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. “Do you want the real me, dushka? The real me is a Dom. The real me wants to push all your boundaries. The real me wants to peel back your layers until we find the real you.”
He pinched her nipples and watched her whole body react. Her pupils dilated and the pink of her skin deepened. Her nipples tightened and she gasped.
“Please, Nick.”
Oh, yes, everything about this pleased Nick, but he needed more. He needed to know just how much control he had. He’d felt out of control for the last decade of his life. Even the relationships he’d had, his control had been nominal. He wanted it with her, wanted to know she would do what it took to please him. “Unbutton my shirt.”
She didn’t hesitate. She moved right in, her hands pulling his dress shirt out of his slacks and reaching eagerly for the buttons. She worked hard and fast, not well. She had to go back twice when she skipped buttons, but he stood there, patiently allowing her to undress him. Not so patiently, but he was enjoying watching her and the way her breasts moved.
Why had he bought her a bra? He should have left off the underwear. She wouldn’t need it now. She’d made her bed and he was going to lie in it with her and she would be naked in it. She would be naked as much as possible.
She finally managed to unbutton the last of his shirt and she stepped back, her eyes on his chest. This was what he needed. She looked at him like he was a fucking work of art.
Ten feet tall. That was how he felt. “Touch me.”
She flattened her palms against his chest and sighed as she moved over him. “You’re so beautiful, Nicky.”
Only a few people ever called him that. He liked it coming from her mouth, but it made him soft. He couldn’t be soft again. He’d used up all his softness and it wouldn’t come back again. “Sir. Call me Sir when we’re intimate.”
It might give him the distance he needed.
Emotional distance. He didn’t want any physical distance. Not a fucking centimeter.
She looked up at him, her hands moving over his skin like she couldn’t stop touching him. “Like they would in the club?”
This was dangerous territory but suddenly it seemed like something they needed. He could put her under contract for the length of the case. It would outline their relationship properly, give him rights the others would have to respect. It also could scare the shit out of her, but he was willing to take that chance. If he was upfront and honest about what he could and couldn’t give her, he wouldn’t have to feel guilty. He could take what he wanted and send her on her way when things were done because he wouldn’t have lied to her. “You said you were curious.”
“I am. This is about control, isn’t it? You need this.”
He hated how vulnerable he felt when she looked at him like that. When she stopped and stared up at him with those clear-as-day eyes, he could feel her seeing right through all his walls. “I need it, dushka. I wish I didn’t, but I do. Think about this. My needs could end up hurting you.”
She let that sink in, her hands still soothing over him. “Physically or emotionally?”
That was an easy question. “Both. I’ll want to play, Hayley. I’ll want to discipline you and you might not like it.”
“Is the intention to hurt me? Or does it turn you on that I might enjoy it?”
“Am I a sadist? I feel more masochistic now because I’m letting you touch me when you could walk away.” She was driving him crazy. Her nails ran over his chest, lightly scoring his nipples, and he could feel his dick pulsing. “I need to know you trust me. I need to know you’re mine for however long we choose. I want to use the play to push your boundaries sexually, to open you up to me. But the truth is you’re in control. You can walk away or stop me at any time because it only works if it works for you. Consent is required every step of the way. You say no and I stop everything.”
He would die if she said no. Or he would need to go and find someone to beat the shit out of. A couple of Robert’s men never said no to a sparring session that often ended in one of them requiring Walt’s skills as a physician.
“Okay. Does this mean I can’t do anything to you unless you give me permission? I want to kiss your skin, Sir.”
He didn’t need that much damn control. “Unless I tell you, you touch me all you like when we’re fucking.” He should leave it at that, but he couldn’t. He’d hurt her too badly before. “I need you to understand that this is fucking. This isn’t making love. I…lied to you the first time. I can’t do it again.”
Except he was lying right now. He’d made love to her that first night, but admitting it would only hurt them both.
She leaned in, her lips finding the skin right under his neck, and it took everything he had not to shudder with pure pleasure. “All right. I’ve tried it the other way. This is fucking. This is for pleasure and comfort.”
He wanted to argue with her, but she was right. This was for comfort. She agreed. He could do what he wanted. He’d been open and honest and now she was naked and licking a path right where he wanted her to go. “Unbuckle my belt.”
“Yes, Sir.” Her eyes had gone soft. “I already like it, Sir. Who am I? Do I have a nickname or do you call me sub?”
Never. He would never call her by a name he would use because he couldn’t remember. He sank his hand into her hair and gave it a gentle twist. “You’re Hayley.”
“Or dushka,” she replied with a smile. “I like it when you call me dushka.”
“It means sweetheart. I don’t throw it around. I don’t use it on anyone anymore. Anyone but you.”
“I don’t call anyone else Sir.” Her hands worked the buckle of his belt. “Are you going to let me get my mouth on you this time? If we’re going to do this while I’m here, then I want everything I didn’t get last time. I want all of it, Sir. I don’t want to lie in bed years from now and wonder how it would have felt. I want to know.”
Everything. She was offering him the fucking world and this time she wasn’t some wide-eyed kid who didn’t know what she was getting into. She’d agreed that this would last as long as she was here. Carte blanche. That was the right term. Sexual carte blanche. “You want it all, I’ll give it to you. And you will definitely put that hot mouth on me. Do you know I’ve dreamed about your mouth, that sassy, sexy fucking mouth? I want you to kiss my cock. I want you to lick and suck it deep inside. Can you do that for me, dushka? Can you get on your knees and suck my cock?”
“Yes, Sir. I can do that. I want to do that.” She eased the belt open and drew apart the fly of his slacks.
She dropped to her knees, looking every bit like a sweet, hungry sex goddess. Her hair spilled over her shoulders and almost to her nipples.
He shoved down his slacks and boxers, not bothering with his shoes. They didn’t matter. He wasn’t getting into bed with her. This would be quick and hard and satisfying and then he would go back to work and think, really think about the contract that would protect them both. He would have it all in place before he slept beside her.
But the last thing he was thinking about now was sleep. “Touch me. Take me i
n your hands and stroke me. Get me hard.”
Her lips curled up and he could practically read her mind. He was insanely hard, but he wanted the words between them. He wanted to start her training. Her job when they were playing was to arouse him and obey him. His job was to pleasure and protect her.
She put her hands together, rubbing them. Warming them.
The innocence of the gesture did something to Nick. The thought fled quickly as she touched him, her fingers brushing over his cock, sending a shiver through him.
“I always wanted to take my time,” she whispered before leaning over and licking the head of his cock.
He couldn’t stop the groan that came from his throat.
He’d taken his time that first night. He’d kissed her and run his hands over her skin, trying to explore her. He’d held her down, his dominance coming through even as he’d tried to shove it back.
That was what he’d done. He’d tied up his lovers or held them down. He took their pleasure seriously, but held them all at arm’s length.
He didn’t want to do that with her. He didn’t have to. They had an agreed upon end date and he’d promised her everything.
There was a whole club downstairs, a garden of decadent delights, and it would all seem vibrant and new with her at his side.
She held the hard stalk of his cock while she ran that butterfly tongue over and around him. Heat flashed up his spine, but he took a deep breath. He wanted this, wanted this moment when he stood over her and watched her give him pleasure for the simple fact that he’d asked her to.
She licked the flat of her tongue on the underside as she tightened her hold on his cock.
“Yes.” He could hear his accent deepening, let go of trying to sound like he fit in. “Do not hold back on me. I want you dirty, Hayley. I want that part of you that can’t hold back. That part of you that one day is going to beg for me to fill your throat with my come.”